A "Hidden" Path Is Discovered

It's 4:06 right now and I don't think were leaving anytime soon. Anyways today I went to Cousins to talk to Steph, then I went to the library to go talk to Adam. He pointed out this really hot mom. She was hot. But anyways after that I called Tawni but she was tired so I told her to go back to sleep. I then took a nap, then woke up and talked to Tawni a little. I then went to cousins but Paully was there so as expected not much of anything was said from my side. So that's about it. I'm not sure if were gonna go tonite.

Random Things.....

hmmm my nerves and temper has been put to the test lately and I feel that the "angry" side is gonna come out soon.....

Something Seems Wrong

Currently Feeling - Thinky (if that's a word???)


Well I got back from shooting pool a couple hours ago but instead of going to sleep I've stayed up once again to cruise the internet......heh too bad there is nothing to do on the internet. Well anyways I feel there is something wrong or maybe different over the past week. Not quite sure what it is....well maybe I do know and I'm not willing to share. I've noticed it since this weekend, but have chosen to just let it pass. I dunno I guess it'll blow over by the time I get back from Cali. hmmmmmm...I don't know what else to write but I had the urge to blog so here I am blogging. Yup the 1 yr anniversary of Journey Of Jamz is Aug 12, yeah I think I'm gonna come up with a new title. So yeah, I may head out to the "spot" but my moms is still awake and she may think that I'm up to somethin shady if I just left at 1:24 in the morning.

Registration Pt. II

Song Of The Day - Home Grown - I'll Never Fall in Love
Currently Feeling - OK

Well this morning I had to take Barbie to registration. I was real tired and it took her a while before I got up. Marianne came with to go see Ms. Meyerson. So Barbie's in high school now.....Afterwards we went to Denny's to get some breakfast. Then I took Marianne to the blood lab to get her blood tested. Got home and layed in bed for a while til Tawni called to make sure I wasn't thinking about what we talked about last nite. I then picked up Frank and Adam and we went to the new Game World to see what they had. I took Adam back to Cactus to see if he could get his parking pass but they were closed. I dropped them off and hung out at home. My mom forgot about my doctors appointment and so did I....hmmm maybe.......I then took a nap til around 7 when Adam called. I dropped by his house to give him his registration, then I went to Circuit city for a few. I was gonna drop by Cousins but Paul was there and I decided I didn't want a repeat of last nite. So now I'm just waiting for Adam to get off work then were probably gonna go shoot pool for a bit.

Random Things.....

I'm leaving for Monterey California tomorrow around 1 PM....Not too excited about going but it's a family thing so I opted not to stay home. I'll be back Tues so yeah.......

hmmmm yeah I have some things on my mind lately, nothin too bad though......


You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Taken Out Of Myself

Currently Feeling - Not good compared to earlier today

Well since I last wrote, it seemed like I was gonna take a nap, well it turns out that didn't happen, instead I hung out with Frank and Adam. They went and had lunch then we went to the Barber's to get a haircut. Then we went to Adam's house so that I could grab some shoe cleaner. Then I went home and took my nap. Tawni called and woke me up to go to Cousins so I picked up Jason and we were off. Steph and Tawni were working and Paul was there too. Yeah I wasn't too sure if he was gonna be there, I should have brought Frank. Well we hung out and I got my experimental sub, then we helped them close. I talked to Tawni in the back about some stuff and then we went to Baskin Robins for some ice cream. I left to go to Frank's house and we waited for Adam to get off work to go see Tomb Raider. He picked up Dusty and we were off. Yeah it started raining real hard, so no speeding for me. The movie itself wasn't really that good but then again I don't think I watched it for the storyline. Then I just dropped them off at Frank's and now I'm home.....

The plan for tomorrow is ?????????????????

Random Things.....

My College Prep class has Tawni, Adam, and Frank in my class....lol that should be fun

So the title for this post was "taken out of myself"......well after much deliberation I decided I won't say the meaning of it. It's part of the holding back in my blog thing. Let's just say I was ranting off to Frank to get some steam out of me.

So a new school year is about to begin.....It's true this year is going to be different from last year. You never know what'll happen to friendships, relationships, etc but there will always be some constants in your life, and as bad as things may become in the new year, it'll always balance out with the good that will happen to you. Sometimes you may lose your best friend due to seeing something you never chose to saw before, but then end up finding someone who changes your whole aspect on life.......you never know, something like that could happen to someone :)

Registration Day

Song Of The Day - Home Grown - Kiss Me, Diss Me
Currently Feeling - Good

Well today marked the day that you realize that school is once again looming it's ugly head over us. I woke up at around 6:50 and took my shower and got ready. Jason called up and the plan was to meet up at school. So I go and we wait for Steph. She brings Kim, Holly, and Steph's sis. So we just chill and I say what's up to peeps I haven't seen all summer. Tawni, Paul, and Tara then come up and were just all chillin. Then like a whole bunch of peeps start cutting in front of Tawni, Tara, and me, one of which was Troy...heh so anyways Tawni and me have a bunch of classes together, while I have a couple with Steph, and then I have 1 with Jason. Yeah Tawni read my "notebook" but I was real embarrased so she said she's write bout it later. So anywho I also see Trent who works at Harkins now so he said he'd hook it up. Oh yeah I took my id pic but I forgot that they don't tell you that they are gonna take it so I wasn't looking the right way....it's pretty funny and sad.... So we go to our new lockers while waiting for Kim to go see her councilor then we head over to Village Inn. We chill there for a while, then Tawni and crew had to leave. After Village Inn we went over to Steph's house where I was trying to make friends with Wendy (Steph's dog who hates my guts).....Yeah so I stayed there for a while then I went home cuz I felt tired......


Semester 1
1st - Journalism
2nd - College Prep Eng H
3rd - Photo 1
4th - Lunch
5th - AP Calculus 1-2 H

Semester 2
1st - Physics
2nd and 3rd- Patient Care Tech
4th - Lunch
5th - AZ/AM Government/Economics H
So yup that's my mini update....

WCW Vs. The World

Currently Feeling - OK

Ok so today was alright although through most of the afternoon I was quite pissed. I didn't really have anything planned in the morning. Jason and Frank invited me over but I was waiting for Tawni to call so instead I watched part of Beauty and The Beast. Man I still love the movie everytime....it's the best.... anyways Tawni called and I came over to do the scholarship stuff. It was pretty annoying but I managed to get most of it done. Then we watched some SNL. I realized that my drivers liscense was at the pool hall so I tried to get Jason to go but he said he didn't want to. So I got pretty pissed at him. Tyler came in and wanted Paul and me to face each other in WCW vs. the World.......lol that game brings back memories doesn't it Tiano......well I can't say I felt a little competitive playing with Paul but nothing bad or anything. He seemed a little competitive too which was pretty cool. We both beat tyler though......it just felt good to know that I still got it in that game....lol j/k.... I gave Tawni the notebook with the instructions of not to read it til after I'm on the main road. After that I drove to the pool hall cuz I left my id there. I then went to Jason's house and we watched Buffy with Frank and Jason's mom. Pretty soon Adam and Steph came over and we just chilled. Oh yeah Jason said he did go to the pool hall but it was closed. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but was still a bit sour.

Well the plan for tomorrow is to go to registration with Jason, Steph, maybe Adam, and whoever else decides to go at 7:30....Hmmmm yeah and I'll go probably visit Cousins tomorrow.....

Random Things....

There was some comments flying around tonite...heh one was by Steph when she said that I'll start visiting cousins again cuz Tawni's back and then she started talking about how I visited a couple times all summer long......lol so I'm sorry Steph............

I know I should go to bed early but I know I'm gonna end up sleeping at 2 or 3........maybe I went home a bit early...oh well I guess I can always chill and watch some tv....

-New-
Well I just got back from getting an icee and going to the "spot" (thinking spot)...yeah it was really nice there cuz of the breeze and everything and although no moon out there was stars that you could see.....yeah it sucks when u can't go to sleep so u go out at 1 am in the morning to do that.

The New Plan (Well technically not a plan but more like my new motto)

Currently Feeling - Weird

Yeah so today felt a little weird for reason in particular. The first half of the day I didn't really do anything but church but the 2nd half I called up Moses to see if he wanted to go grab some food. We went to Ray's Pizza and I kept trying to let me hang out with his cousin. Now I've never met her but I have a good feeling about it. Moses said she doesn't look anything like him so that's a big plus. I finally convinced him to let me go see Tomb Raider with him and his cous so if it turns out she's not what I expected I can just hang out with Moises more. It's all part of my new motto....make a move. I don't want to give it a plan name cuz I don't wanna feel obligated to make moves everywhere but it's just like a if I feel it, go for it. So anyways after dinner I picked up Dusty and Adam and we went and shot pool. I was doing pretty well when I didn't feel hot as hell. Also there was this girl playing next to us that looked pretty good. Yeah I was pretty obvious cuz she caught me looking a couple times.....I felt a little embarrased. I wasn't gonna do anything but I was thinking about it, I thought this guy was her boyfriend but he wasn't cuz I saw him get real friendly with this other girl. So I guess u could call it a blown opportunity although I wouldn't have made a move either way. Well anyways I dropped off Moises then hung out at Adam's for a bit. I went home at around 10 cuz I was feeling a little tired. Too bad now I'm reenergized so oh well. Tomorrow I gotta drop by the bank and get the tax form in the event I end up doing the scholarship thing. Then I may go watch a movie with Moses at nite with his couz (I don't think it's the one I want it to be though).

Random Things....

I'm probably more pissed now than I was earlier now that I got a chance for it to sink in. If Jason's gonna read it at least take out the proxy so I know when u do.

I want to get a new aol screename cuz I'm trying to stray away from the darkness. So any ideas for a new name would be helpful. If I can't come up with anything I can always use jamzgo...but it seems a little boring.

To Be Angry Or Not To Be

Currently Feeling - Alright

Ok so last nite I made sure that I didn't stay home all day long. I chilled for a bit at home, I took my sis to Circle K and I saw Paul and Tyler....lol such a small world at times....anyways I called Tawni to tell her I just saw Paul but she was with Amber so I just passed along the message. I then went over to Adam's so that he could get another sub for his car. Tawni called but decided to take a nap so I went and ate dinner over at Adam's. We then got some Cherry limade then went to Alex's house so that he could play some video games. I called Moses but he was working and afterwards he was doing some family stuff. Jason called and we had a little talk that included him reading my blog. Now I'm pretty pissed that he did that but I'll leave it at that. I then called Tawni and talked to her for a bit. Pretty much she had to hammer the point to call her cuz she's never busy...yeah and also she's gonna help me with my scholarship stuff on Mon and then she's gonna read the "notebook" although I'm scared of being there. Well not really scared, but more like embarrased. Well we then went to Mark's house so Adam could play Diablo, then back to Al's house to play more games. After all that we went back to Adam's so that he could get another chance to play for the coveted "Red Baron" ringtone....He was unsuccessful in his 4 attempts....

Today I went to Church and talked to Devon, yeah he wants me to go to RE Class on weds but I'm not sure if I'm gonna go
Random Things......

Hmmm so Jason uses a proxy so that I won't find out......hopefully I won't have to watch what I write

Hmmm so it looks like I have some things to plan for in the upcoming week.......

Tomorrow - Scholarship help with Tawni
Tues - Registration, and Tawni goes back to work
Weds - Promised I would go to my RE class
Thurs - going to Cali thru Tues

Chilled Out

Song Of The Day - Hown Grown - Not Alone
Currently Feeling - Good

Well today not much of anything happened. Most of my friends were working and I didn't feel like calling anyone in particular so I just hung out at home. My mom and sis' invited me to lunch at Fazolli's so I declined. From there I just watched tv and did some computer stuff. Steph called after she read my blog to try and get more info on "Op. Thunderstrike" but she can't get it out of me. I talked to Adam but he has to go to work at 6 AM so he was in early. Jason was hanging out with Steph so I wasn't gonna intrude, and Frank got home at 11:15 so it was too late to do anything. Actually while he called I was at my "thinking" spot but I didn't stay long cuz I didn't feel like staying out late. So next time a day like this rolls around, I'll make plans instead of staying home...yeah cuz today was boring.

Random Things....

Yeah I forgot if I wrote this but I'll write it again July 31st thru the 4th I'll be in Monterrey for I don't know what reason.

Yeah I had another dream that I got my g35 coupe...that's 3 dreams already, yeah hopefully I get my car soon....oh yeah I also had the dream where everyone forgot my b-day again. So yeah, I'm a bit worried....but dont' get me wrong I dont' like getting a big fuss over my b-day cuz I don't like to be the center of attention but on the flip side it would suck if my friends did forget......So I'm actually a bit curious to see if they'll remember or not so I won't say anything a week prior to see who forgets and who remembers....

The "Notebook"

Song Of The Day - Allister - A Day In Fullerton
Currently Feeling - Good

Well it's Fri early morning and I thought I'd update on what's been goin on the last two days. Actually Weds not much of anything happened, Jason, Frank, Emily, and Steph came back. Yeah from what I heard it was a good trip but I didn't miss anything super important. Yeah Jason was pissed at Frank for talking about "Thunderstrike"...lol.....anyways I talked to Jason on the phone for a bit and had a mini heart to heart. Then later on in the nite Frank called after he got back from work and him, Adam, Mark, and me went and saw Darkness Falls over at Frank's house.....the movie isn't very scary or for that matter not very good. On Thurs, I went with Jason to the library to go visit Adam. Adam took his lunch break and we went over to Wendy's. After that they hung out at Frank's while I bought food for my sis'. After that I went to Frank's and watched Jason play old nintendo games. I was gonna borrow Mario Kart 64 but I could get his jumper back out so I'll probably go do that tomorrow. I then went with Jason to Safeway to get some romaine lettuce for Jason's dinner. I saw Ryan and talked to him for a little. Yeah he's starting to hang out with Ian again, he asked what the thing was with me but I just told him we weren't the same people from when we were younger. We then went to Jason's house and hung out there but I went home and watched tv and took a mini nap. Later on in the nite Frank, Steph, Jason, and me went to see Bad Boys II....yeah again for me but it's a really funny movie. Yeah on the way back they wanted me to go over 100 again but I resisted sort of. But then I got home and my sis was playing video games in my room so I hung out in her room with my notebook. Yeah I tried to read it yesterday but I couldn't because one reading it isn't the easiest thing for me to do, 2 was because I didn't want to remember what was in it cuz I'll get embarrased cuz Tawni's gonna read it. Anyways I finally gathered up the courage to go and read it and for those who don't know what's in it, I'll give a quick non- detailed summary. The first two pages of it is sort of like a summary of the last year. A lot of stuff that's written in those two pages are the things that I don't like to read in my blog anymore so reading it does bring back some bad memories. The last 2 pages I questioned myself and gave myself answers. It sounds weird but when you confront yourself on how you feel and force yourself to face it, you actually do it. Anyways that's the "notebook"......... So anyways the plan for tomorrow is a little sketchy, Adam works in the morning while Frank and Jason work at nite. So more than likely I'll split up my time. Also I have to remember to call Tawni and see when she's gonna schedule her senior pics.

Random Things.....

Well Barbie and me are trying to convince my mom to get me the g35 coupe. I tried to get Marianne to help me but she doesn't think it's economical which she's probably right in, but in defense I don't have a family yet, and I don't plan on having one til after 10 yrs from now so why do I need to get something that would fit a family....isn't that why we got the MDX.......

Something Frank said on Weds was extremely weird and funny......I really hope that he was hearing things and that he didn't hear what he thought he did....

Will (a guy that works at Cousins) is back......some people are more excited that he's back than others......

No Idea For A Title

Song Of The Day - Juliana Theory - The Closest Thing
Currently Feeling - Good

Ok so I haven't updated in a while with the same reasons as before with me not feeling inspired to write in it. But I'm trying to get back on track and now that there are no secrets I'll try to make it so that everyone can follow what I'm saying and not a select few....is that savvy??? Hmmm so I guess I'll start on Fri then....

Sat
We all went to Comic Con with Chris' friends Mike and Kathleen. It was fun but not quite what I expected, I didn't get to see Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry but I did get to see Allison Mack from Smallville...she's cute. Afterwards we dropped off Mike then went out to get some food. We got some popeye's chicken and went home and played Monopoly for a couple hours. Afterwards we took a nap before my couz gig. I didn't feel too well so I stayed and took a nap. After they came back we went to Old San Diego for some ice cream and also to look at the Whaley house. There was some weird guy there who said that he could feel the ghosts, it was creepy. We then went back home and played a card game I called "Egyptian Ballsac"....fun game....

Sun
We went back to Temecula and hung out with Mark for a little bit. I played with the baby too, she's sooo cute. Everyone then went out to lunch at Pat and Oscars...pretty good... I got calls from Tawni and Jason. Went back to AZ, talked to Tawni but her phone was being all gay. Couldn't get a hold of Jason or Steph so I didn't go to the cabin that nite. Went with Adam and Dusty to go see Bad Boys II. That movie was really good, maybe not storyline wise but there was so much action it was great.

Mon
Not too much happened on Mon. Jason or Steph didn't call so I didn't get directions to the cabin. Adam went to work. So I talked to Tawni for a while, she was driving down to AZ Mills to meet her friend Nick (I'm curious Tawni).... I then went to Hollywood video and rented Lord of the RIngs Two Towers game.

Tues
I went to Adam's to play Madden before I hung out with Tawni. Tawni called before the game and Adam heard the ringtone of the red baron and has always wanted that ringtone so if he won at Madden then he would get the tone.....he lost......I then went to Tawni's house and hung out there for a while cuz she had to clean her room. Yeah at the start of the day things between us seemed off but anyways I also hung out with Tara while Tawni was in the shower. We then dropped by Cousins to drop off Paul's car then we drove to the new theater at Scottsdale and the 101 to see How to Deal. The movie wasn't quite what I expected but was still good. I didn't agree with some of the movie though. The movie made Tawni go on about how she hates boys. We talked about that in the car and yeah it branched off into different things and then she pointed out the flaw in me on how sometimes I say something but don't finish it. I countered with I usually have a good reason for not finishing. So yeah that led to Plan R and Tawni is very persistant so I gave in and told her what had happened in the last 6 weeks. The only problem was it wasn't how I wanted to word it and I only said maybe 1/4 of what I really wanted to say. But I told her I would show her the things that I wrote in the "notebook" cuz I knew that I wouldn't be able to say it at least she could read what was going on in my head. By the time we got off the freeway I felt better though and we started to click better again. We went to Whataburger to try and get some biscuits and gravy but they didn't start serving breakfast til 11 (last time we went here after out AP BIO study and they served it, so I wonder how long we were out then). So instead we shared chicken strips with gravy and bread. The gravy was real hot and I also had to drive with the chicken strip in my mouth while driving which she thought was really funny. I then took her to my thinking spot but I got a little lost since I was eating. yeah we kept joking that people in the neighborhood already know who I am since I'm always over there...lol pretty funny...I then dropped off Tawni and then shot pool with Long and Adam.

Random Things.....

Don't know what I'm up to today but I guess it depends on what time Jason and Frank come back. I also may have to pick up Adam at the car garage cuz he's getting the oil changed and the filter changed so if it takes a while I told him I would pick him up.

Yeah yesterday was probably one of the best days I've had in about 6 weeks. Yeah it started to seem like things go back to normal or close to it with Tawni. It felt really good talking to her in person again and not having a time limit on it. So I guess the fortune cookie was right, "joy will come with the return of a good friend" and no I still don't think it's the "darkness"

I don't think anyone including myself thought that I was going to go thru with it, Jason felt pretty confident that I wouldn't go thru with Plan R. He was like "your not gonna go thru with plan r, I know you and I know there is no way you would go thru with it"

I'm planning on giving her the notebook on Fri, Mon, or Tues. Why those days.....I dunno I feel like those are good days to do it.

San Diego and Temecula

Song Of The Day - Allister - Overrated
Currently Feeling - Alright

Alright so I haven't really updated in the past week and mainly for the reason that I have lost the will to blog. I would say I was busy but I've had opportunities to blog but chosen not to. I'm in SD right now chillin. It's been pretty fun in Cali although I've had to chose between cousins. Yeah so I had to drive to Cali which was pretty fun now that I have my liscense. I made pretty good time. My couz Mark (the one with the worst advice) and he seemed really clingy. We all figured that since he's married now and has a baby that he's trying to live through me. Yeah we played NBA Street Vol 2 and Baseball and I killed him. He seemed pretty heartbroken that we were leaving for SD the next day. John-John seemed really different too. I felt bad cuz we used to hang out all the time, and whenever we went to Cali, We would hang out and stay up the whole nite. But the last 2 times we went to Cali, John has planned things but we ended up leaving for SD so this time he didn't even bother. Also he's goin thru things with his girlfriend (or ex depending on how u want to look at it). So anyways Chris came over but not before Mark, Tesa (his wife) and me went to go see Pirates of the Caribbean. The movie got back at one and I drove Chris' car with Chris and my sis Marianne. We were talking about any issues we had and also looking for a late late nite food joint. This trip was needed for me cuz I didn't come for advice but really just to clear my mind and maybe think of some things that need to be straightened out. Anyways I ended up getting some advice from both Chris and Marco. Anyways the next day we were off to SD. We went to Seaport Village to drop off Chris at work (Village Hat Shop) then we hung out there for a while, then to Wendy's/Washington Mutual. Driving in downtown San Diego is really annoying. The fun thing though is that my cousin has a PA system in his car that can make animal noises and a mic so u can say stuff. So yeah he told me to just pick him up at 7, so we went to do some stuff then I took about a 5 hr nap cuz the nite before I got 3 hrs of sleep. I picked up Chris and we went and ate dinner at L and L Hawaian BBQ which was good but gave u huge portions. We then bought Monopoly, then we went to look for a Sushi place. By 1' o clock we finally found one then went home. Marianne had a Margarita and got sick, it was pretty funny but sad at the same time. I was offered some but as many of u already know I don't drink anymore. The next morning Chris and me went and installed more speakers in the PA system so it was louder. Then we ate lunch at Bento noodles. We got some tickets to Comic Con then dropped off Chris at work. We tried to go to Horton Mall but the parking was gone so we went to Plaza Bonita. We stayed for an hour and now were home....

Random Things....

The plan for tomorrow is go to comic con, then Chris, Mark, Calvin, my sis are going to go to some place known as "chuckie cheese for adults". Then I may go back to Temecula or I may go watch my cousin Kimi's gig.

THe PA system is hilarious, hours upon hours of entertainment, the faces on peoples faces when they hear a cow moo is priceless.

Yeah at the plaza bonita mall there were a good amount of cute girls. There was one while I was at the arcade who was watching me play a couple of different games then when I left she said I was doing pretty good. Then some punk was trying to sell some shoe cleaners so he was giving free washes for demonstrations. He washed one of my shoes but said I had to pay to get the shoe cleaners before he would clean my other shoe. I was pissed......

Oh yeah I'm looking forward to seeing How to Deal when I get back, it looks nice...


I gotta go pick up my couz right now so I'll talk to u all later....take care

I Feel Like An Ass

Hey from Cali.....yeah it's been pretty cool so far, I'll probably update later on but for now I just have to get a dream I had a couple days off my chest. I had a dream that Plan R happened except that it was her doing it to me. It felt real and I felt horrible after it. So yeah lately my dreams have been about my fears or thoughts and thawt was one of them manifested. So yeah I think I need to talk to Tawni about it which I'll probably do once I get back and all settled and so does she. Well I"ll update everything that has happened a bit later. Til then take care everyone.

Til Now....

Song Of The Day - Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad
Currently Feeling - Distressed

Well I haven't updated for a little while. Just for the past few days I've been trying to not "think". It wasn't very successful so I continue on blogging. Hmmm so what has happened over the past few days....

Sat
The guys all met up at Frank's house. I stayed home for a little bit on a promise from my dad that my sis' had food with them. The only problem was that they didn't come back home. So I went to Frank's house and chilled there until Frank had to leave. We went to the Elephant Bar which is a pretty good place. We then went to Blockbuster to rent a game. We dropped Adam off at his car and then Jason and me went to his house. We chilled there for a while then Dustin came. He broke up with his g/f and was pissed about it. So much for he loves his girlfriend, he was frontin though, cuz at times he tried to act like he didn't care but others you could tell he did. Then Adam came over for a bit. I could tell Dustin wanted to talk to Jason so Adam and me went to my house to see if it was ok to stay the nite. Then we went to QT for $.53 drinks........ We came back and then we left again to get some pizza......we chilled, then Steph came over, soon followed by Frank...we watched a little blue collar comedy tour then we tried to watch rocky horror picture show but it was too weird.....we left at 1 to get some jack in the box taco's. We ended up buying 14. Anyways we just chilled and then passed out.

Sun
I woke up at 9 and we all pretty much left at the same time. I took a nap til 2 then I hung out at home, went to church with my sis at 5:30 then chilled somemore til after dinner. We shot some pool and that was the nite......

Today I'm chillin, then for lunch we may go to the peter piper pizza lunch buffet.......

Random Things......

I've lost my will to blog for the time being. I haven't really felt like writing in it, and I'm only writing in it now so that I don't forget later.

Ever since I completely shot down the idea of Plan R, I've tried not to think but it can't be helped at times. Some of my worrying is stupid and I don't know at times why I worry about it, but then there are others that may have some credibility.

I had a dream where everyone forgot it was my b-day....so just to make sure it doesn't become a reality........AUG 23

How To Deal with Mandy Moore is looking pretty good....yeah I may end up seeing that after I come back which should be Sun the 20th

Graduation

Currently Feeling - Distressed

Well today I went up to NAU for Tawni's graduation/birthday. I got 3 hrs of sleep and left by 5:30. I was cruising halfway there until I saw Paul coming from the rear. We decided to have some fun on the mountain and went about 110 mph on the turns.....Afterwards I left Paul take the lead while I followed. We got there at 7 and Paul, Tyler, and me went to Mcdonalds. Yeah we talked a good deal although nothing deep or anything. It wasn't hard or anything which only proves the point I found when I was thinking about Plan R. Tawni's mom arrived and we went back to NAU and waited. We went to the graduation hall and we saw Tawni graduated. Oh yeah I also saw Manny....heh looks a little chico swave but that's just my opinion. Anyways after that Tawni said goodbye to her friends and took pictures. Then there was a luncheon but I felt a little sick so I didn't eat. Instead I tagged along with Tawni so that she could say goodbye to more of her friends. A little weird but alright. Afterwards they went to clear out her room but I chose to stay in the living room because I was thinking about something and it was bothering me. I ended up deciding I didn't want to talk about "Plan R" with Tawni there because I honestly didn't know what I wanted to say so I didn't. We said our goodbyes I was off. This time I made sure Paul didn't catch up to me and was averaging about 105 mph the whole way. I got home and took a 5 hr nap then I hung out at the house for a little. I then shot pool with Jason, Steph, Frank. Tomorrow his parents are leaving and were all gonna spend the nite.

Random THings.....

I don't know if I want to Talk about "plan R" to Tawni anymore cuz I'm scared. The decision is already made and I know it's the right one but the decision i made didn't solve anything. All it did was make me have to confront what I was really thinking and feeling which has made me real vulnerable. There are a lot of things that are intertwined in it and it's not just one specific thing that's causing the problem.

I felt out of place today, I dunno I can't quite explain it, the best way I could possibly explain it was I was feeling the odd man out but that's a little off....Yeah I haven't been acting real normal when I get to see Tawni. I'm there but not completely, a lot of it is that I've had a lot on my mind and also because I haven't really seen her a lot, and we can only talk for a few minutes every once and a while. I dunno I know things will return to normal again because right now it's far from it.

Frank and Samwise For LIfe

Hmmmm....well I got back from Cousins. Hmm but first I'll update a little. This may be the last update of the nite cuz I'm leaving early 2morrow for NAU. Anyways Adam called me from Frank's house and told me to come over ASAP cuz he had something really funny to say. So I go over and he says that Samwise the Ugly (this girl that he works with at the library, don't wanna be mean so I won't mention how she looks) says that Frank was hot....lol Adam made fun of him for the rest of the day. After Adam left for work Jason came over. We talked to him for a while. I've noticed that Frank gets real defensive about the whole money thing. Like he always says he's broke but his family just bought a $40,000 suburban so we kinda joked around by that but I think we hit a bit of a nerve. Anyways I left soon after Jason did and I hung out at home. I talked to Tawni online and then I went to fill up the MDX. I then took out the volvo to Circuit city to talk to Andrew. I hung out there for an hour talking to him then I went over to Cousins. I then did something unexpected. I started talking to Paul a little. I think I broke a record. I just talked to him about going to NAU and stuff....not too long but still pretty good. Anyways the plan for 2nite is pool....

Random Things....

I think the other part of "plan JAM" didn't pull through as far as I know

I don't think I want to talk about Plan R tomorrow or if I could so I think I'll wait, but just in case I'm reading over what I wrote a week ago.

I'm burning a couple saves the day cd's along with Brand new and maybe Fenix-TX

As soon as Andrew's 60 day policy at Circuit City runs out I'm gonna get the hook up over there....

Making Up For Yesterday

Song Of The Day - Brand New - Failure By Design
Currently Feeling - Ok

So yesterday was a pretty good day. Jason and me went over to Frank's house. We really didn't do anything interesting but it was pretty funny. I then went home and did some paperwork and then I took a nap. Frank called when he got off school and I went back to his house. We went to get some $.53 drinks at QT then Adam dropped by and we picked up Frank and went to go see Pirates of the Carribean. It was a really good movie but it was long. The guy sitting next to Frank thought Frank's one liners were really funny. Afterwards I dropped them off but after dropping Dusty we saw like 7 cop cars going into the back parking lot of Cactus so after I dropped off everyone I went back. They were gathered there but I couldnt' tell why but I couldn't stay cuz I was running on Empty. Today, I woke up at 10:30 and watched Old School. No plans til later when I go shoot pool. Til then I'm gonna probably be loungin at home


Random Things....

Tomorrow morning at around 5:30 I'm gonna be heading out to NAU yet again. I'm still not sure how I'm gonna say everything I'm planning on saying but hopefully something will come out. Also whenever I come back Jason's parents are gone for the weekend so I'm heading down there.

Maybe Not The Worst Movie, But It's Up There

Currently Feeling - Happy Yet Sad

Well yesterday I was actually quite busy. I woke up at 9 to go to Acura to get the suspension lubricated and cleaned. Then I hung out for a while. I retuned Gangs of New York then I went to the library to collect yet another movie ticket....lol damn maybe my luck is starting to change. I talked to Adam for a bit but I had to go back home. I talked to Tawni on the phone, something is still off in her voice but it's was still good hearing from her. After that I went and picked up the Acura and then I went to Cousins. I couldn't stay long cuz I had some paperwork to do so I got my experimental sub and talked to Cam, Em, and Steph. Then I went to Borders to get my sis some food. Anyways then I did a bunch of paperwork over at Kinko's but I got $50 so it balanced out. We then went to the hospital to pick up my mom. I went to Frank's house because we were either gonna go see 28 days later or wrong turn but I didn't want to drive 50 miles so we went and saw 28 days later. It was Adam, Frank, Sopheak, Dusty, and me. That movie sucks, it sucks horribly. I wouldn't recommend this movie even to someone I hate. It just goes beyond cruel. So if you are ever wondering what to do one of these nites, a nice alternative to watching this movie is watching paint dry. Trust me in the long run it would be entertaining. The only interesting part was that the girls in front of us were about to get into a fight. Anyways I dropped them off and then I was supposed to go watch old school with my sis but alas they already were watching it so I was a little pissed that they didn't wait so I went in my sis' room and passed out.

Anyways I don't really have plans for 2nite. Maybe go to the peter piper pizza buffet thing with the guys, then maybe Pirates of the Caribbean...

Random Things....

I had this really weird dream.....I dreamt that I was still best friends with Ian and we were at my house on the computer and he was looking thru everything...yeah that's basically it

I'm trying to get rid of some of the music I don't listen to...that could take a while

Something Seems Wrong

Currently Feeling - Dunno

Well today was a pretty interesting day although I wouldn't really call it a good day. I got the volvo tinted it looked really nice. Moses dad took off $100 what the price was. But before all of that my sister backed into the MDX so I had to get it repainted and get the dents out. We then ate at Panda express. Tawni called but something felt really weird. I can't put my finger on it, but by the tone in her voice I could tell something was a matter. I couldn't talk to her long but I told her I would tell her everything on Fri. I'm still trying to piece some stuff together in what I'm thinking and also I'm trying to figure out what Tawni is thinking. Anyways Barbie stayed at her friends house while I hung out with Frank and Adam. We shot pool tonite, Rich and Adrian called but it was my shot so I didn't talk to them long. Anyways tomorrow I have somewhat of a busy day. I gotta go to Acura to do a checkup, then go to the library to claim my prize, then to Cousins to talk to Steph and maybe...ask Paul for a ride or if he wants one.

Random Things....

Hmm...well Tawni knows about Plan R or she's pretty sure bout it......Well I'm not gonna say much about it but I will say to Tawni that this past week has been pretty much hell for me. Hmmm there is so much I want so say but I don't know how to word it, how to explain it. So I'll stop there and try to think up a way to word everything so it doesn't come out jumbled when I do explain it.

On a brighter note, while at Panda Express I got my fortune cookie and yet another ironic message comes out. "Joy will come with the return of a good friend". Now my sis and Tawni had a different interpretation of it at first but I chose the less "dark" meaning of it

What Have I Been Up To Lately

Song Of The Day - Celine Dion - When I Need You
Currently Feeling - Lost

Ok so my last post made a huge error cuz I wrote so much so this time I'll only write what was really notable. Yeah my blog has been weird and it's been hard trying to follow what I've been up to lately. So I'll recap what has gone on in the past couple days

Weds

- Watched Terminator 3 with Frank and Adam. (I used to be a big terminator fan).
- The movie was pretty good, but had it's plot holes due to the whole time travel thing.

Thurs

- Left for Las Vegas
- ate lunch at Todai (place is really good but really expensive at 20-30 per person
- went back to the hotel to watch some tv
- went to see 2 Fast 2 Furious with my sisters
- Had to watch my sis' cuz Las Vegas is a shady place
- went back and read my book and also did some writing

Fri

- Tawni called and talked to her for a little bit
- Went back to sleep, woke up at 3, so I slept for 13 hrs
- Went to go see the show "V" at the Venician
- Pretty good show but not worth the $50 tickets so $300 overall
- Walked around the shops at the Venician. Sis' shopped while I sat on the bench.
- Weird thing was that all the babies that were going by me kept staring at me
- They have Gondola's (Nice Date Idea)
- Watch Fireworks at the Belagio from our balcony, probably the best I've ever seen
- Family went out while I stayed home and kept writing
- Wrote for a couple hours and got up to 4-5 pages
- What I was writing exactly was my feelings. The idea came from Steph cuz she said I need
to find out what I'm really feeling without holding anything back
- Played card games with my sis' for my break, I won majority of them
- My cousin and his friend invite me to go to the strip club but alas I was still writing.

Sat
- Went to Aladdin for breakfast
- Tried to check out our new condo but was unsuccessful
- drove back to AZ
- Called Tawni, Jason, Frank in that order
- I keep getting a call saying my washer is fixed, if they call again I just may pick it up
- Dropped off Game at blockbuster than hung out at Jason's
- Had a major heart to heart with Jason, he's glad that for once I went to him instead of
Tawni. Still a little bitter about the whole thing.
- The heart to heart lasted from Jason's house, to Sardella's, to Cousins
- I guess we both needed to get a lot of stuff off our chests
- He knew what Plan R was about
- Went to Cousins to talk to Steph about Plan R.
- Didn't get a chance to but Tawni was there
- I really screwed up, This was only the 2nd time since she's left that I've seen her but
I was acting really distant and I didn't even really talk to her that much. I didn't even
hug her or look at her when she left.
- After they left I was pacing around thinking what just happened, I came up with a decision
to Plan R
- Helped them close then went to Steph's house. I fell asleep on her chair but then Steph,
Kim, Jason, and me left to Top Shelf for Karoke nite.
- It was packed so us plus Cam and Emily went to Albertsons to talk to Mike
- Then went to Cam's house, but I left early cuz I was gonna pass out

Sun
- Had another heart to heart with Jason
- Went to lunch with my family at the great wall
- Returned Brown Sugar then went to go shoot pool with Frank and Adam
- I won most of my games then we went to Frank's to play smash brother's
- I tried to blog but it was real long that an error occured so i got hungry so I went out
to get food at 2 in the morning.

The plan for today is to get a haircut in preparation for senior pics, then go get the volvo
tinted.

Random Things....

- Plan R has been decided but I'll need to talk to Tawni about it before I tell anyone else

- If I'm gonna ask Paul if I can carpool with him or if he wants to ride with me, it'll be
tomorrow. I'm gonna go to Cousins but Frank and Adam and probably Jason specifically asked
to go cuz they want to see it go down if it does.

- Damn if all goes according to plan this is gonna be the weirdest car ride ever.

- Jason found out where my blog was cuz I accidentally saw it at Steph's house. I trust him
not to look at it without my permission.

Where is James?

Currently Feeling - Lost

Where am I? I don't feel like I'm here right now. To be honest I don't feel like I've been myself for a couple days now. It's like I'm lost in a maze. I just spent the whole nite in Las Vegas up writing 5 pages about what I'm feeling because I needed to know what was inside me. I have always held back certain feelings and thoughts in my head because I thought that if I didn't think of them they would slowly go away. Those things that I have tried to forget are the reason why certain things still bug me. No matter how much time I have put in between them, no matter how much we have grown, it's still there. You read the archive, and u read what happened, but u only read it, the strength of the emotion couldn't be written nor did I want to write it. When I write in this blog, I try to be as detailed in my feelings as possible but you can only express those emotions so much. I didn't want to read those archive cuz I knew exactly what I was feeling those days. There's so much I don't know what exactly to say. there was so much I realized when I read what I wrote. I think I'm gonna stop there because I don't know what I really want to write. I just don't know, today was a very vulnerable day for me. Jason found out was Plan R was because I mean he did say it all that time ago. I had a huge heart to heart with him. I spilled a lot of my guts to him, because I needed someone to turn to. I was really hesitant to say anything but I just unleashed a lot of info on him. And then at Cousins I went to go talk to Steph about it, but I didn't want to because I knew if I started talking about it, I wasn't sure how I was gonna react. I didn't want to just let it all go because if I did I know I would have started getting teary eyed. But the worst thing of all was Tawni came to visit but when she did I just couldn't say anything. She knew I was thinking about something but I just couldn't really say anything. Once again I didn't want to go unstable and do things I didn't want to do. and the hardest thing for me is Tawni is the person I wish I could talk to the most but I can't do that until I understand myself what I'm thinking.

The Key Is Happiness

I got back home from the library with Steph a while ago. I hesitated about asking for the heart to heart cuz I wasn't sure of what she was gonna tell me. Well first off she didn't let me off the hook. She said I have to find the answer for myself cuz it doesn't involve her or anyone else for that matter. The decision I make will only affect who it involves so no one else could help me. She then said that she thinks that the answer I'm looking for I know already, I just don't want to know what it is. Everything is intertwined together so I have to go thru each thing and decide what goes where. It was really helpful Steph I really appreciate it alot. So for me, I had to do something I haven't done in a while, and that was try to go thru all the archives. I read thru November but I had to stop. And I've decided to make myself a little Q&A which I can't put here, but the objective is to answer the questions with absolutely no holding back. So with that the key is happiness.....

A Much Needed Laugh

Song Of The Day - Usher - Bedtime
Currently Feeling - Still Iffy

Well today (actually yesterday since it's 1:03) was a pretty good day. My dad's friend didn't call so I didn't go and fix his computer. Adam was supposed to come over to sign up for SAT's but he had a dentist appointment so I didn't go to the library either. Instead though I continued working on Slow Jamz 16. The best song is Usher "Bedtime"...it's a really sweet song and I think now I've listened to this song about 7 times straight. A close 2nd is Brian Mcknight "Somehow, Someway, Someday". I haven't finished it but I'm planing to tomorrow (I mean today). Jason called and was applying at Circuit City so after that he came and picked me up and we went looking for pool tables. We had no luck so we went to blockbuster where we rented some games. We went to my house to play baseball then We then went to Taco Bell for some food. We hung out at his house and we played Ghost Recon (actually he played while I took a nap). Steph came over and invited us to go watch a movie with Paul and Emily but the movie already started so we opted not to. Instead we Adam, Frank, Steph, Jason, and I went to Desert Ridge for Frank. Earlier today in the gym Frank said that Jason could pick any girl and he would have to go up to talk to her or else he would give him 5 dollars. Oh yeah I found out what I'm doing in terms of summer. On the 3rd (thurs) til the 5th I'll be in Las Vegas. Then I'll be able to go to Tawni's graduation on the 11th. Oh yeah Steph and me made a bet that she doesn't think I can ask Paul if I can carpool with him and Tawni's mom (heh that would be a weird carpool, Tawni's mom never says anything to me...she seems to avoid me, and I don't think I have to mention Paul). Anyways I bet her a dollar since I already owed her one since she guessed what Plan R is although she did promise not to say what it is. Anyways on the 15th til the 21st or 22nd I'll be in Cali so that means no Warped Tour and no Northstar concert and no Steph's cabin (well maybe depending on what time I come back on the 22nd). So anyways that what July is for me. So back to my nite, we go to Frank's where we go in Adam's car to Desert Ridge. It was deserted so it was a bust until I payed frank a dollar to run thru the fountain in front of the people, then Jason payed him a dollar to run thru it then pretend to fall and act injured. It was funny, but after that we went and shot pool. Steph was doing incredibly good and I was able to pull some trick shot magic. We only stayed til midnite then we went back to Frank's. I decided to walk home cuz I needed to think. Today is my dad's b-day so HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD. My plans for tomorrow is go to the library with Steph, then probably hang out later 2nite.

Random Things.....

My couz is going thru some shit right now with family. I'm glad he found someone but I can't believe he's gonna let her in cuz he thinks it may interfere with him Master Plan. I dunno, I think sooner or later his defenses will fall and he'll hook up with her.

Hmmm...overthinking=new slow jam cd

Tonite was good for me, although I've been hiding it from my friends I've been quite I wouldn't say sad...I don't know how to catagorize it but mainly it revolves around Plan R. If it happens...I don't know, to be completely honest, it scares me. Everything would feel so different, things would feel empty. ,/zcx

Confused

Confused

Song Of The Day - All American Rejects - Paper Heart
Currently Feeling - Confused

Well right now I'm really confused, I don't have any clue about what Im doin, I don't have any clue on where I'm heading, everyone's ideas and thoughts have completely jumbled up my thinking. Blah I don't know what to do or think. I know that cuz I can't put my feelings into words or even on paper. I have so much I want to say and ask but I don't know how to say it. I want to talk about it but I don't know who to talk to about it, and I'm scared what they would say. This mostly has to do with Plan R but there also other things that are there too that are bothering me. I just wish for once I knew what I was doing and what lies ahead of me.

I'm sorry for the incohesive paragraph, I'm having trouble wording what I want to say. But anyways today I didn't do much. I hung out at home and burnted a bunch of cds. I put in new computer speakers and fixed a few things with my comp. So far I have made the Michelle Branch, Rufio, Northstar, Brand New, Taking Back Sunday.......I then went with Jason to Baskin Robbins then to his house to watch the D-Backs game. we then went to Steph's house. I talked to her and she knew what Plan R is. I didn't say much after that cuz I was scared that she would think it was a good idea.......but I do owe her a dollar.....

Tomorrow looks to be more of the same, library I'm gonna get a book, I gotta go over to my dad's friends house to fix his computer, then more cd's, then I dunno from there......

new
It's real late but I couldn't sleep so I've gone back to the roots and am gathering together songs for Slow Jam 16. It'll be back to mainly r&b but may have a few punk/emo songs