Graduation

Currently Feeling - Distressed

Well today I went up to NAU for Tawni's graduation/birthday. I got 3 hrs of sleep and left by 5:30. I was cruising halfway there until I saw Paul coming from the rear. We decided to have some fun on the mountain and went about 110 mph on the turns.....Afterwards I left Paul take the lead while I followed. We got there at 7 and Paul, Tyler, and me went to Mcdonalds. Yeah we talked a good deal although nothing deep or anything. It wasn't hard or anything which only proves the point I found when I was thinking about Plan R. Tawni's mom arrived and we went back to NAU and waited. We went to the graduation hall and we saw Tawni graduated. Oh yeah I also saw Manny....heh looks a little chico swave but that's just my opinion. Anyways after that Tawni said goodbye to her friends and took pictures. Then there was a luncheon but I felt a little sick so I didn't eat. Instead I tagged along with Tawni so that she could say goodbye to more of her friends. A little weird but alright. Afterwards they went to clear out her room but I chose to stay in the living room because I was thinking about something and it was bothering me. I ended up deciding I didn't want to talk about "Plan R" with Tawni there because I honestly didn't know what I wanted to say so I didn't. We said our goodbyes I was off. This time I made sure Paul didn't catch up to me and was averaging about 105 mph the whole way. I got home and took a 5 hr nap then I hung out at the house for a little. I then shot pool with Jason, Steph, Frank. Tomorrow his parents are leaving and were all gonna spend the nite.

Random THings.....

I don't know if I want to Talk about "plan R" to Tawni anymore cuz I'm scared. The decision is already made and I know it's the right one but the decision i made didn't solve anything. All it did was make me have to confront what I was really thinking and feeling which has made me real vulnerable. There are a lot of things that are intertwined in it and it's not just one specific thing that's causing the problem.

I felt out of place today, I dunno I can't quite explain it, the best way I could possibly explain it was I was feeling the odd man out but that's a little off....Yeah I haven't been acting real normal when I get to see Tawni. I'm there but not completely, a lot of it is that I've had a lot on my mind and also because I haven't really seen her a lot, and we can only talk for a few minutes every once and a while. I dunno I know things will return to normal again because right now it's far from it.