Overcoming My Fear of Rejection or Just My Shyness

Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History- I hung out with Tawni and we found her prom dress.... 23rd was Jason and Steph's One Year so Congrats.....

Well yeah after my short rant on Mon about the fear of rejection I decided that what better time to get over it then the present. However my fear was of me running out of my gust of bravery before Sun so I enlisted the help of Tawni and Steph. So I'm hoping they instill any courage I will lose between now and Sun.... Anyways Tues was alright, I went to the peds floor and it was pretty boring and I was upset that I really didn't have any real face time with any of the patients but I suppose you have to give what is given. Afterwards I then went to Boswell, I picked up Tawni and on the way to the hospital, I saw a trooper that had gotten pulled over. It looked familiar so I called my mom to see if it was them.....yup it was.....hehe....anyways clinicals were alright, I did a lot of stuff and made up for my lackluster clinicals. It was funny, during break Norma and me tried to get on the roof to no avail, so we got some food in the cafeteria and sat on the balcony next to the roof and chilled until a lady started laughing at us and told us to get down. After work, Tawni and me went to Wendy's where this guy hooked me up with a free drink and a chicken strip....Oh yeah I also gave the MDX a cleaning.

Today was alright although I was really tired and not especially talkative. I was just kinda out of it. It was a pretty normal day, nothing really especially to note. I took Amber home, then Frank gave me money that we were going to put together to get a gift for Adam. I did some homework then headed over to Cousins to give Steph a paper. Kaylee and Tawni came over and I was talking to Kaylee about prom and informed her of my plan...... After that I did some paperwork for my dad then did more homework and watched the Suns game.....

My Theory on the Fear Of Rejection and The Possible Second Wind

Song Of The Day- Hoobastank - The Reason
Currently Feeling- Good
This Day In History- First day of Spring Break and I spent it hanging out with Christie and Ian. I didn't think it would work out and I was right but hey it proved I could put a lot together....if I could only do it for myself.....

Well yesterday what did I do......I watched You've Got Mail, followed by What Women Want, then i decided to complete the trio and I watched Serendipity. Well I also ended up going to church by myself. I'm a bit disturbed however, I had the perfect opportunity yesterday but I chose to ignore it. Cuz *she* was by herself in the parking lot, not only that but she was also directly behind me. However instead of slowing down and attempting some sort of convo I ended up going to my car which was parked next to her, I looked over and she saw me and glanced back, then I drove off. She ended up driving behind me for a good while, I ended up heading in the direction of cousins and she finally turned on 75th and greenway. Anyways point be told I blew a chance I always claim I don't have and that's upsetting. Let me tell you, there was once where I wasn't scared of rejection, however that ended in 5th grade.......yeah it's pathetic cuz something that happened so long ago still mysteriously affects me. Anyways I need to confront my fear that I call rejection but I know it's just tough talk until I step up and actually confront it. Tonight I gained confidence after reading some stuff on people who have a fear of rejection. I can't guarantee that come Sun, I'll still feel the same way so whoever reads this has to make sure that that feeling doesn't dissapate. I realize that I let my mind create sequences that haven't happened yet so I assume the worst.

Anyways now that I ranted that today was pretty alright. Physics just trying to get into the swing of things, PCT I went to pediatrics but unfortunately I didn't have a lot of opportunities to work with the kids which sucks since this is my field. There was this one 13 or 15 yr old girl who kept smiling and staring at me when I went into the room. I think she had pnemonia. There was also this cute older woman who was on her cell phone who I thought was cute but at the time I was pulling a plastic wagon that made me look like a tard but oh well. I rode with Tawni because I didn't want to ride in the busted up Volvo. Anyways Econ was alright, Joel got me my Lost Prophets cd although I haven't heard it enough to give a review on it yet. Ms Combs said she would try to find me a date to prom...ehh....I'm also a bit scared of Tawni's mom trying to "hook" me up. Anyways afterschool I dropped by Jason's house to drop off his car then we went to Camelback Toyota to get an estimate. It was cool, Jas got a good deal as it will cost around $1500 for the damages. I then did some homework however not a lot since this whole senioritis thing is killing me. I watched some wrestling, and then I felt inspired to blog about my second wind.

Random Things...

Tomorrow I work at Boswell......

What motivated me was Serendipity, since I havent watched it in months.......

I know that the fear of rejection is all in my head, I never have had problems talking to girls who have b/f's or who I don't feel like that with so I know it's capable, it's just in the mindset.

Bruise on the Volvo

Song Of The Day- Frank Sinatra - Come Fly With Me
Currently Feeling- Ok
This Day In History- Umm talked to Tawni a lot about trust and her problems with it, also I let Tawni drive the Volvo. I feel like an asshole because Ian was really trying to hang out with me......a lot of AP Bio studying, also Tawni was getting me really worried about going to the Dr. because she was feeling really sick.

Well Spring Break is wrapping up and although I haven't really done anything noteworthy, I've relaxed and that's all that matters. However I did have quite a major bump on the road on Fri but I'll get to that. On Thurs at 11 I went with my sis to Applebees for their happy hour. It was cool hanging out with my sis', I saw Melanie and Danielle, as well as shawn. On the way home, I ran into Brandon and i think he was going to tell me if I wanted to go to a party but I was heading home. On Sat, I didn't do much of anything during the day. I talked to Tawni who got back from Tucson, she seemed chippy. I dropped by Cousins and hung out for a little bit, then I went to Barnes and Noble and chilled there for a bit. Jas got off work and I went over there. Steph was there and we were chillin in the living room. Jason then decides to go to blockbuster so we head out to his car and he backs up and he hits the volvo square into the passenger side door. I was pissed for a little bit but I was cool. We talked to Jason's parents as well as mine and they are going to take care of it. Jason kept apologizing but it was cool, it was an accident and he's manning up to his mistake instead of trying to sneak out of it like I always worry about if I had ever gotten into an accident with my friend. Anyways yeah so on Mon were going to a couple of body shops to go get some estimates. Today I had traffic school however. It was soooooo long I'm never going to speed excessively again. A couple things to note first however, there were two cute girls. One I thought had a really cute face and I couldn't help but staring while the other had a slutty cute look going for her. Anyways I wanted to talk to the cute girl face but I unfortunately couldn't catch up to her after the class so oh well. The other thing to note was that doing lunch, I ate with Jas and Adam. Before I left to class again I noticed someone from my class had gotten into an accident...heh the irony.......

Random Things.....

Spring break has been relaxing except for the weekend....

I think Jason thought I was angry at him at first.....but I think were cool again.....

Yeah I was talking to Jason for a couple hours today talking about random stuff, yeah it was interesting of what Jason thought on some stuff......

I wanna see Dawn of the Dead maybe tomorrow......

Retrospect of the Past

Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History- Did chips for the first time at Cousins, asked Amber to prom, Jason's first date with Steph...heh it was actually quite funny cuz I didn't want to be alone with Tawni and Paul so I had to call in a favor to get Dusty and Adam to go...

So yeah it's been Spring break since I last updated. Unfortunately it hasn't been that eventful although I've kept myself at least partially occupied (exception today).

Fri
I don't really remember what happened but I know Jason went to work and then I went to Frank's house where a bunch of peeps came over and it was pretty cool. Unfortunately I only got to stay til about 10:30 when I called it a night.

Sat
I went to work over at Boswell, ummm then I ate lunch with Tawni over at Brothers. I then took a nap, hung out with Jeff at the new pool hall, went back over to Frank's and hung out there for most of the night.

Sun
Church, then I went to Sedonna that night, I had to drive but I like driving on the curves, if only I didn't get that ticket then I could feel more lax.

Mon
Went around in Sedonna, bought some clothes, came back, went to Cousins, hung out with Adam and Moses and watched Somethings gotta give....pretty good movie, I though it was pretty good although the ending got a little weird.

Tues
Hung out with Tawni a little fixing her computer, visited Steph who had her wisdom teeth taken out, then I hung out with Adam a little, then went to do a Halo tournament thingy.

Weds
Played Madden and realized that I'm horribly rusty, other than that I did nothing

Thurs
So far I've done nothing although I found my black beenie....too bad it shrunk and looks odd...

Random Things...
Today I had a dream but it wasn't a dream. It was more like a flashback of the past. It was nice but I won't talk about it because I realize that for the most part the past should remain in the past and some things don't exist anymore.

Jason came back yesterday but I think he's going to be hanging out with Steph.......

I think I may go fishing with my dad tonight although I'm not sure....

It's looking as if Prom is becoming more and more unlikely, it doesn't bother me that much though because their really isn't anyone I really want to ask who's available.

Damn spring break is half over already....

Spring Break

Song Of The Day- Maroon 5 - This Love
Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History- I cheered up Tawni because she had to move back in with her mom. I really don't remember ever seeing her that upset. Yeah I left a note that made her get all teary eyed in the class.

Well Spring Break is finally upon us. It actually came a little earlier as I am supposed to be in Economics right now but I couldn't stand it anymore. Anyways yesterday I hung out with the group minus Jason and we went to Red Robin. Damn good food but I felt sick to my stomach afterwards. I went home and took a nap, then I took a shower and I went over to Frank's. I chilled there for a bit until Jason came over and we went to the mall to get my pictures and so Jason could return a game. Yeah that was about it.

Today was pretty cool since it was the last day before spring break. Physics we didn't do jack but we had some weird dice problem. In PCT we just sat and talked, yeah talked to Tawni for a bit then talked to both of them and we had a very sexual innuendo filled conversation...heh.....I also talked to Michelle and Jolie for a while about stuff. It was cool cuz I was stuck in no-mans land since everyone was having a female conversation......I then went home to eat lunch and.....

Random THings....

I have a tenative plan for the weekend....tonight I'm going to hang out probably for a bit then pick up Frank from work and a bunch of peeps are getting wasted at his house.....I can't stay out late though cuz I have work....tomorrow I go to work, then I'm going to hang out with Jeff, and then I'll probably head back to Franks house......

Damn I love that Maroon 5 song......

Hatred For Cactus

Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History- Hmm the pool frenzy began, we went looking for pool halls all across most of the west valley until we found the break....

Hmmm what's up? Well ummm what's there to talk about. On Mon, I went to Centennial HS as their school nurse. It was pretty cool, nurse bean is a very funny character. However she left because she had an infection in the bone and also the nurses assistant was crying because her friend's son died in a car accident. So it was kinda weird. After that I went to my house to grab some food. Afterschool I chilled at home for a while then I called up Jason, and Tommy to see if they wanted to come with me to Cousins. Adam and Jason went and we chilled there for a while. After that we went to the mall waiting for Jason's parents to come.....

Today was also pretty uneventful. I went back to Centennial and they had a sub nurse. She was really cool but I really didn't do anything. She let me go home real early though so I ate lunch and watched Star Wars II for a bit. Afterschool I chilled at home for a bit then I went to Cousins to pick up Tawni. I helped Paul mail a letter then we left to Boswell. It was cool today as we went into a different floor of telemetry. The CNA's were really cool and helped us do a lot of the skills. I love working with Norma, she's the funniest, we did the pimp walk around the floor. Afterwards Steph has a plan for Jason which will involve me distracting Jason so yeah. On the way home Tawni and me talked about some stuff and then I dropped her off and now I'm home....

Random Things....

This kid from Centennial had the biggest grudge against Cactus, yeah it appeared as if he was ready to take it out on me.

Onto Plan B.....If I Had One

Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History- Well Jas asked Steph to Prom, I was swamped with Bio studying, Shaun R. premiered his skating video, and Tawni ribbed me at Cousins which led me to chase her around and then I tipped over the chair.

Well this weekend was pretty alright I guess. On Fri, Jason gave Steph a prom bear and asked her to prom in front of my class. It was cool, I had to distract Steph from leaving and I was having to ad lib soo much because Steph wanted to go to her councilor. I then volunteered with Jason. Yeah we had to make Cotton Candy which was a bitch but oh well, community service is community service. I didn't stay long afterwards because I was getting the impression that they wanted to hang out alone so alas I made my exit and was planning on going to sleep at 9:30 since i had to get up early the next morning. However that didn't happen as I had to pick up my sis and her friends from the concert. So I didn't end up sleeping til around midnite. On Sat I woke up around 6 and got dressed and picked up Tawni as we had work at Boswell. It was alright this time around, I really like working with Norma, she's really funny and cool. So I got off at around 12 and Tawni and me went to the bank and then we got something to eat at Panda express. I then dropped Tawni off and took a nap for a while. I then woke up at 6, watched the suns game for a bit, then Adam called and asked me to come kick it in the hotel. So I picked up Joel, got some food and went to the Mariott. Yeah so we watched TV in the hall while Adam hooked us up with premium water and food. Adam's going to hook us up with their pool and exercising room. Oh yeah we also impersonated real employees as I was helping some customers. Frank called when he got off work and we picked him up and then we went and watched Startky and Hutch....funny movie except we had to sit next to the loudest group of black girls ever. I don't want to sound racist or anything but they acted exactly how steriotypical black women act on TV. Just loud and obnoxious....... Today the only thing I did was go to church and RE class. Yeah so the girl wasn't there but her older sister was there. So I asked her if there was RE today and she was like ya. Then she turned around a little later and asked me if I was going to show up and told me that I should because they were going to do a fun activity. So I took her advice and went but it was so boring. So with that I'm thinking that the whole church thing is going to pull through in time so I'm icing it. So now if I plan on going I'm going to have to find someone else. Steph and Tawni want me to ask Kim or Holly and I'm cool with that I guess but I mean last year I went on someones advice but if I go this year I want to go on my own accord.

Let the Whole Prom business begin

Currently Feeling- Good but worried
This Day In History- 28th- I finally let Tawni read my blog, it was a big relief for me and it also in my opinion removed a barrier that limited the friendship in the past. I was in a big poetry mode thingy.

Well I really wanted to write earlier but I've been in pain when typing but it's finally eased enough where I can type in semi-pain. Anyways yeah I worked out with frank and it has been the first time this semester I've worked out so I'm really sore.

Anyways let me update slightly, um Tues I had to go to Boswell Hospital for my internship. Yeah I was late with Tawni and Steph but the teacher was really nice. Yeah it was kinda boring but I got a chance to talk to Norma and we kinda had a heart to heart. Afterwards I dropped off Steph and then Tawni and me got some Carl's Jr and then we drove around while we talked. It was ironic how MOre than words started playing when we got there...heh...It was nice talking to her again and I guess some things are clear. Afterwards I tried to blog but it was too hard to type. Anyways Weds I ditched 5th period with Steph and we had chicken wings over at Brothers and then I went to her house and she showed me her prom dress. It really looks nice and the cool part was that it was 22 dollars. It kinda looks like that Marylin Monroe dress where she's on the sidewalk and air poofs up except that it's dark purple. I then went to the mall with Jason and we had to look at some stuff.
Today the only thing that comes to mind is that i had to ask something to Ms. Combs, hmmm it's going to be cool......


Random THings....

Tomorrow should be a good day for some...

I'm getting kinda worried about prom only cuz I'm banking on something I'm really not too sure about.