Not The Same

Currently Feeling- Good
This Day In History- 26th - Got my Capt. Mallow....27th - Ditched Robots with Tawni, then went to Amber's to see the gigantic BUN-BUN....29th - Watched 8 Crazy Nights with Jason and his Cousins....30th - Starting Line Concert


Well the break was quite an eventful one...well actually not really....hmmm really all I did for most of the time was play video games....I played Madden, Final Fantasy 8, and Tekken 4 (I bought from EB for 10)....yeah I also went to Tawni's house a bunch cuz she was feeling sick so I wanted to keep her company.....the football team is going to State next Sat.........Hung out at Steph's house on Fri, ate some good food although carb full of food....

Ok so that was Weds-Fri....on Sat I called up Vicky and talked to her for a bit. I then asked her what she was up to and if she wanted to hang out that night. She asked just us two, and then asked if it was a date. She said that she just wanted to make sure that we were going as friends. So after we hung up, I felt a little sad for a few but then I picked up and I just felt a lot better, but that's weird cuz I know that's not how I would normally act. So I picked her up and we went to watched Master and Commander...good movie...very good....and yeah we just talked and I just seemed a lot more loose and what not....So I called Tawni and the crew and they pretty much confirmed what I thought.....I don't think I liked her like that and deep down being just friends was what I wanted too and that's why I don't think I was dissapointed. I just didn't feel the spark, and I've also realized that I need that spark feeling. I know that I can't always feel the spark feeling right at sight but it was just missing. So with that figured, I still plan on hanging out with Vicky every once and a while cuz she's really cool to hang out with...and I think she was surprised that I'm still in Cobratown.....

Random Things.....

Tomorrow is DEC, and that has me worried. It's really the month I've been anticipating and dreading at the same time.....Best of luck to me on having a good Dec and also to find Christmas Spirit....I know that may seem childish but that christmas spirit and feeling is always what makes Dec feel so special.......

oh yeah I'm still planning on buying Vicky a gift...

Feelin Awkward

Song Of The Day- Kelis - Milkshake (Damn Adam)
Currently Feeling- Weird
This Day In History- No Post

Well today I felt kinda weird, kinda outta place, just different. English was pretty damn funny today. Adam got Milkshake stuck in so many people's heads....lol it was funny, Ms. Butts yells at him and then he started backing his ass up....lol hilarious...Also he mimiced shaving Ms. Butts ass which cracked up Kelli and me. Yeah Kelli sprayed some girls perfume on me...it smelt really good but now I smell like a girl. After school I went to the cobratown fundraising committee...yeah it was only Kia, Vicky, and me. Yeah that lasted for what seemed like forever. Afterwards I got a chance to talk to Vicky for a little bit. I then went home, then left to go to get my sis some food. I dropped by the mall to convince Moses to talk to Vanessa then I went up and talked to her asking her for advice about getting Vicky a gift......

Random Things....

Yeah confidence is definately going up and down I'm just getting confused about which one is which....yeah bad sign...

It's weird, I think I've become less shy in terms of actually talking in person yet I've seem to have lost my ability to hold a long conversation. I mean even when I was in 8th grade, I remember when I was trying to hook up with this girl, I was able to talk to her for like two hours. I dunno it may be because I think I'm taking up her time but I just can't help it.

Hard Love

Song Of The Day- Nick Cannon - Giggilo
Currently Feeling- Weird
This Day In History- Didn't have a good day.....

Hmmm.....well last nite I didn't do anything of importance. Well actually Adam and me went to the top of Thunderbird Hospital parking garage to take pics of my poetry assignment. After that I just chilled mostly.....Today I arrive at school and Steph gets in my car and yells at me about getting on the ball. She says she's going to get on my case about it and I should make plans by at most Weds. So pretty much everyone is giving me tough love about it. Then in 2nd period I told Tawni my "dream"...yeah....I swear I really do think they blow outta proportion my "fear" of Paul. First off I don't fear Paul by any means. 2nd it's really not me not talking to him but also him not talking to me....so yeah no one should put it all on me cuz that is one of the few things that kinda bug me. K sorry bout the rant, yeah the rest of the day was normal. The new plan is on Weds, I'll call Vicky if she wants to come with me to AZ Mills to do some after Thanksgiving shopping, followed by Gameworks, then Gothika.....yeah sounds good.......I've been thinking too and yet another reason why I seem all timid is competition. It resembles last year in a way. This guy seems to be trying to hook up or whatnot and instead of putting up a fight, I've dismally laid down for him.....it's all speculation on my part but I'm not sure....

Sweet and Not So Sweet Dreams

Song Of The Day- DMX - Get It On The Floor
Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History-20th - Deca Can Food Drive....21st - I had a bad day due to overthinking.....22nd- Nothing worth noting....23rd - Had a dream about my ex-girl Ashleigh....

So yeah the last couple of days I've been in an up and down mood. On Fri I went to the big Cactus vs. Centennial Playoff rematch......we ended up winning but it was a really suspenseful game. Joel and me lost our voices cuz we were really into it. Sat I played Madden, did my essay on magical realism, then I went over to Cousins cuz I was bored. Emily and Tawni pressured me into calling VIcky on her cell phone by throwing this ball at me. I ended up calling her and talking to her for a bit, I invited her to go see Gothika but she had plans to hang out with Heidi already but I ended up seeing The Rundown with Adam and friend. It was a pretty funny movie I'd have to admit. Yeah i decided to save up that movie and watch it later with Vicky hopefully......

Random Things.....

Damn Frank, he got me thinking cuz he called me trying to convince me to see the movie, then he said something along the lines of "isn't it funny how she had plans with someone else when you tried to make plans"...i'm trying not to think about it.

I ate at the Cactus Cafe and damn it was real good.....

Frank said it would be a really good idea to take Vicky to Gothica cuz according to him girls were jumping all over the place....

Ok I had two separate dreams....One was pretty good while the other one wasn't so pleasant. The first one was I was hanging out at Adam's house when Vicky calls. She apologizes that couldn't of made it to the movie but she would go next week to make up for it. Yeah and we just small talked for a bit. That was nice.....

The second of my dreams wasn't so nice. Ok so I guess it's college time now. I ended up moving in with Paul and Tawni. I dunno I guess I was ok with it but I guess at first it was normal. Yeah we lived in this pretty big house and all. So I was lying on the couch playing Madden and talking to Tawni cuz I guess Paul wasn't there. Then flash forward maybe a couple of hours and Tawni comes back home and yeah, she tells me her plans.....shutter....I don't wanna say them let's just say they made me kinda cringe and that's why I wouldn't ever consider moving in with them. I'd say that would be the only problem otherwise.

No Sleep For James

Song Of The Day- Mya - Fallen
Currently Feeling- Bad
This Day In History- Another Day

Well last nite I didn't get any sleep cuz I didn't want to go to sleep. So instead I played Madden til 1-2 AM....so tired....

This morning was pretty basic.....we started watching Pride and Prejudice....ummm I got an A on my math test although not the high A I wanted or should have gotten. Afterschool was the cobratown meeting. Damn it was long and I really don't know what to make out of it. I dunno if I'm gonna go on that trip or not. Afterschool I just did really nothing.....

Random Things....

My confidence has slowly dropped, I dunno what's the cause but I'm kinda confused on what to do....

Paul's Forest Island and Jason Vorhees

Song Of The Day -Kanye West - Through the Wire
Currently Feeling- Scared
This Day In History- I had Hospice for clinicals....I comtemplated how Amber helped in my decision not to say anything to Tawni.

Well today was a good day except for my dream. I think I did alright on my math test, if I did miss something it was because I just made a algebra mistake. Afterschool I took a nap although I was trying not to. Ok so that led me to my dream.....


Ok so I ended up going to Paul's cabin. It turned out that he owned his own forest island that was only accessible through air. So we get there, it's Moses, Adam, Frank, Jason, Tawni, Paul, Amber, Steph, Vicky, and just a bunch of other people. So one night I was either the only one up or everyone else went somewhere. Then the housekeeper comes in to clean so I'm just sitting there when another old woman comes accompanied by none other than Jason Vorhees (for those who don't know he's the horror character with the hockey mask and machete). Anyways he kills the housekeeper and then tells me that he's going to kill me on Sat. So I tell Adam and some are skeptical. I tried telling Tawni but she told me that I was just acting jealous so I went with Adam to come with me to the airport. However the thing is to leave the island you need Paul's permission so we go to ask Paul but he doesn't let me leave so we go to the airport anyways cuz Adam makes fake passes. We go in line when we see Tawni and Paul with a search dog which is trying to sniff me out. It creates a panic in the airport and i manage to get next in line. The woman however doesn't let me go cuz she has a flyer that says Im not allowed to leave. So we go back and I gather a group of my friends to help me find him and fight him. throughout the week Jason V. stalks me and i see him kill people. So I have Moses who has connections in the island try to find Jason V so we can kill him before he kills me. We end up going to this fancy hotel where I guess he lives in the basement. So we reach there and we have gas bombs and I'm with a group who have my back. So I look under the crevice and I notice an infant and maybe I have the wrong room but I decide to throw it anyways. From there we don't hear anything so we thought that we wasted the attempt. However Jason wakes up and punches through the door and chases us. We get into the elevator and get into the hobby. The bellhop tells me that he's a nice guy once you get to know him but I'm frantic and tell him that he's trying to kill me. So we retreat and my friends apologize about how they can't help me. My mom comes to the island and pleads with me to go home cuz they find a private jet but I know from the movies that Jason will somehow follow me and I didn't want to risk my families life so I decide to stay knowing that I'll die. So I wait for him and i remember seeing him but it becomes blurry after that......weird huh.....I don't wanna touch on that interpretation.

Anyways I woke up and ran some errands and ended up going to Cousins. I talked to Tawni for a while and we talked in the in the back. She thought that Frank likes Amber so I told her that I would go over there and talk to him about it although I know Frank wouldn't do that. Moses calls and he wants to go to the mall to make his move so I go with him. So he picks me up at Cousins and we go but she's not working so we just walk around for a bit. I'm still thinking of what to get Vicky, something that isn't too strong but isn't weak either......Anyways we go back and I pick up my car and go to Frank's house. I talked to him for a while about Amber and I was right, he doesn't like her. Then we talk about Vicky and I told him that things are going slow but are otherwise find. I talked to Tawni for a little, tell her my dream and Frank's results.....

Random Things....

Yeah I need help with Vicky's gift...so any ideas....

Scary dream, don't want to sleep

I got cobratown tomorrow with vicky......

Computer Fixed

Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History- 12th- I met this guy "Todd" in my clinical....never wanna see him again...let's just say he asked me about a bunch of weird stuff, took me on his smoking breaks, and even offered me a smoke. 13th - Had to do positioning with Elizabeth....ewwwww....14th - Visited the soon to be called Capt. Mallow....planned on buying him. 15th - My HCT teach let us all inject her.....16th - Hung out with the crew minus Frank. 17th- Hmmm....well let's see I had a dream where Tawni, Paul, and me were hanging out and he purposely tries to kiss her in front of me to get a rise outta me....hmm good thing that was a dream because I think that would have been enough to envoke some sort of physical retaliation......ummm yeah also I decided to get Tawni a teddy bear for Christmas.....

Ok that took the longest time doing all that back research. Yeah I actually was trying to blog but I guess my sis downloaded some virus and next thing I know it wipes out the whole hard drive. Oh well I bought a new one and for majority of the weekend I was setting that all up. Umm.....this week has been alright. I don't know exactly when it was but I got 2 hours of sleep and that left me in a horribly grouchy mood. And when I'm grouchy I overthink...but not regular overthinking where I analyze both sides of a story but rather I analyze only the negative. So I was in college prep when I looked at the paper I told Tawni I would edit for her. It was my idea to do it cuz I wanted her to get an A in the class but anyways I started thinking about what Jason said a little while back about her only hanging out with me when Paul wasn't there for her, then I thought about the deviled eggs I didn't get and although she had a good reason, I chose not to see that. So I gave her back the paper. Also this asian kid accidently threw a paper airplane at me, and my friend had to calm me down not to get in his face. So yeah I felt like a jerk about both. So today I took Tawni's paper back even though she didn't let me at first (Tawni I realize that if I want something I have to force it outta you). Oh yeah I'm also sorry about being grouchy Tawni......

Anyways my weekend was alright, I went to Tucson on Fri with Jason, his mom, Adam, his mom, and Moses. It was cool, Jason and me are planning on moving in if he doesn't get into the Academy....I got back to Phoenix at 7 and Jason, Moses, Steph, and me went to Hooters. Food sucked but oh well, afterwards I dropped them off and instead of going to the party I decided to call it a day since I was feeling mighty tired and had a headache. Sat I hung out with Adam, Dusty, and Anne.......Oh yeah I also went with Jason to get Steph's gifts.... Sun was homework day for me.....

Random Things....

I'm planning on going to AZ Mills with Vicky maybe next week or so.....

Taking The Initiative

Currently Feeling- Good
This Day In History- 10th - Played Gran Turismo 3 and got my mitsubishi EVO...11th - Got my sweater....I could swear I could have seen it somewhere before...heh Tawni....

Well Mon was kinda weird cuz 3 out of my four classes had subs in them. Heh it was funny in my photo class cuz someone took a condom and put paste on it, and stuck it to someone's folder....heh funny times.....and also after school I was talking to Jason and he was trying to talk me into asking Vicky to go watch the matrix with me but I knew she already watched it but we were talking about it and she pulled up next to us. heh so I talked to her til she got to her car and I headed off into my math tutor. I dropped by the gas station to get Amber a water. Hmmm yeah that little girl has a crush on me...aww how cute.....After that I went over to Jason's house and we went to Best buy....lol it was funny cuz the lane was merging and Jason was trying to merge in front of this lexus and the guy was being a bitch and kept pulling forward and honking. So Jason had his window open and yelled "stupid ass motherfucker"....and then he was bitching to me about "old man rivers"....ha I want to start using that word.....anyways we went back to his house and I hung out there for the whole day. Jason was playing Tony Hawk underground.....I ate dinner over there then Vicky called and I talked to her for a while. She was going to eat dinner with family so we ended up not doing anything. She did tell me to go to the cobratown meeting tomorrow so yeah I'll be going to that. Then Steph called up and we met her up at Target and we helped her pick out some stuff for her room. Afterwards we went our separate ways cuz Jason and Steph were going to watch Brother Bear so I went home and played Madden....hmmmm possibly new defense Tiano......

Today my plan is to go watch the matrix with Moses and his bro...then do math homework....I was thinking about asking Vicky is she wanted to go eat dinner but it'll be late....

Random Things....

Ok so everyone who knows me knows that my mentality is that usually negative....So I've really gotta take more of an initiative with Vicky....it's not like I haven't but I have to put forth a better effort. It's just that I keep thinking that she's doing something and I'd be disturbing her or maybe she hangs out with me cuz she doesn't want to be mean. but on the other hand why would she want me to join one of her clubs if she didn't so that boosted my morale.....

The one thing that i've been missing is the long conversation....Ever since I've had my first girlfriend back in the day. I've had the inate ability to hold a 3-4 hour conversation over the phone. I mean I've held countless long ones with Tawni. I haven't really done that with Vicky yet cuz of the mentality of me wasting her time but alas I need to get into another momentum swing.

Brother Bear

Currently Feeling-
This Day In History- 5th - made my short lived dream blog.....6th- I gave Tawni my JOJ, she said that subconsciously I wanted her to read my blog....hmmm looking back she was right...oh yeah I also had Mr. Crumb as my sub, weird cuz I had him as a sub on the 6th of this year. 7th- I ate lunch with Tawni, Paul, and Amber....and thus begins the whole weirdness with Paul and me. Tawni and me then went to the mall and we hung out there for a while. That was also the day I found him.....Captain Mallow. My weird memory has one clear memory and that was when she asked me if I thought her and Paul were gonna go out. I said that they would unless something confronted itself..........yeah we watched Sweet Home Alabama....really good movie...8th - Went to Medical day and saw cadabers (spelling?)...9th- Jason and me went over to Nigel's house cuz there was a get together over there after the game.

Wow sorry for the no updates from the past week. It's not because i've been busy but more of I just haven't felt compelled to write. umm....we had career day and Tawni and me went around and talked to UofA. I also talked to Vicky for a little. umm Ms. Butts wasn't here so I had Crumb as a sub....that sucked.... Yeah that's all I can remember from the week. On Fri I went to the game with Adam. It was the big game, Cactus Vs. Centennial...there were a couple of fights but in the end we lost. Afterwards we went over to Tawni's house and hung out there for a while. On sat Jason, Adam, and me went to Cousins and hung out there for a while. We had a little arm wrestling competition which I dominated with my right. Then I went to Jason's house and we played pool. I then went to Tawni's house and waited while she got ready. We went to Desert Ridge and were planning on going there soon just to hang out cuz of the good atmosphere. Anyways we went to the theater and Bro bear was a really good and sentimental movie. I really liked it. Afterwards we went to Whataburger and she got some biscuits and gravy. I got Tawni's sis some frosty's and then we just watched tv. We both ended up falling asleep and finally I woke up around 3 cuz I was freezing so I turned off the lights and drove home. Yeah today I don't have anything planned.....

Random Things.....

Yeah blogging hasn't been there for me lately but I'll try to update more often....

Jason said something to me on Fri that bothered me a little. They were talking about the matrix and how I wasn't going to go and then jason said that the only reason why she's hanging out with you is because Paul's out of town. When was the last time that she hung out with you when he was there. Frank concurred with what Jason said. I wasn't quite sure if he was joking so i just brushed off the comment but it was in my head for a while. I dunno the thought of being a filler bothers me immensely although I doubt the credibility of the accusation.

A Whole New Level

Currently Feeling- Good
This Day In History- Went to Radiation Oncology, everyone dropped their pants

Well last nite I talked to Tawni for a long while. Yeah I was distracting her from doing her math. I felt bad.....heh yeah a whole new level in our friendship......yeah we just talked about stuff it was cool cuz we haven't talked in a while although it took a couple minutes to get back into the groove of talking with her. I got off the phone close to 10:30 then I played Madden for a while....

Random Things...
I'm in the library for photo next to Hubert although he doesn't know what I'm doing. I'll write in more detail when I get home.

I Think Someone Likes Me

Song Of The Day- Yellowcard - Cigarette
Currently Feeling- Good
This Day In History- Hmm.... I helped Amber with her math, ummm yeah I talked to Tawni on the phone, we ended up not seeing the movie that night so was officially 5 weeks....umm yeah this was one of the first times I went out to "think"...afterwards I ate dinner with Adam...

Yeah so last nite I talked to Franks friend Kelly...she sounded cute, also I talked to Jason for a while about some stuff involving Vicky. He thinks I should say somethinig this weekend but I think the plan is this weekend to hang out by ourselves and only if I truly feel it's the right moment to ask then I will.

Yeah today was alright, last nite I was kinda pissed at Tawni cuz she wouldn't pick up her phone but I guess her phone wasn't working. Yeah I passed out some homecoming pics. I talked to Vicky and told her the movie wasn't scary....yeah I forgot to tell her to sign me up for the cobra corner. I didn't get to eat lunch since the school didn't have chicken patty's or taco salads. I did horrible on my tests. Afterschool I did my math tutor. Yeah I think there is a girl in that class that likes me. It's actually kinda cute, I came into class and I was talking to the teach then I turn around and she's giving me this big smile and waving to me. So I wave back then look down at my phone. I look back up and she's looking at me again and then I see her and she starts giggling with her friends. ahhh...how cute......I then went home and did homework...that's about it. Tonite no plans, call Tawni, umm did homework already....

Random Things......

I talked to Chenda about Brother Bear....I really wanna see that movie now, it's killing me....

I know the song is kinda old but it's stuck in my head...the yellowcard song - cigarette

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go.
Built me up and broke me down somehow.
Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

And I would wait for you, if you would wait for me
And I will wait for you, if you would wait for me

Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core
I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind
regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore
You built me up and you broke me down this time.

Update

Currently Feeling- OK
This Day In History- 29th - I gave Tawni a ride to my clinicials, then gave her my number again so that we could go see Sweet Home Alabama....30th - Played pin the tail on the donkey in HCT, more of Tawni trying to get my blog....31st - Halloween.....1st - I thought I had regained control over myself....2nd - More of trying to force myself to feel differently, I told Tawni that I may still like Leah.....but I knew that there wasn't a comparison....

Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been really busy studying for math and SAT's.....I actually don't remember everything that has happened, things are really normal right now between everyone except for Tawni....she seems really different although I can't put my finger on it. To be honest I haven't really "talked" to her in a couple weeks I haven't been to Cousins while she's there and she hasn't call and i haven't called cuz I figured that she's busy....ummm.....Vicky and me is still teetering, ummm yeah I got a chance to talk to her a lot at school of Fri, I invited her to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre but everyone told her it was really scary so she didn't want to go. Oh yeah Hubert "cockblocked" me at Rennisance day. I was gonna go and sit next to Vicky and talk to her but right as I sat down, I look over to talk to her and Hubert wedges himself in between us....I was real pissed but i'm cool with Hubey so no biggie....As for Rennisance day Hubert and me got eliminated first in the jousting contest because we wanted to fight......um for Halloween I went out with Aric, Joel, Jason B, and Frank and watched TCM....it wasn't scary and it was really losely based on a true story......On Sat I had SAT's which were a bitch. I sat next to Kelsen, math I did good but not Vocab....afterwards I visited Steph and Emily at Cousins then I hung out and played nba live 2004 with Adam....I'm owning him in the game.....
Well sorry for the jumbled up blog entry, I just forgot what has happened in the past week...

Random Things.....

I got my homecoming pictures, and they look really good I'm surprised....yeah my uncle wants me to go for her......