Friday

Currently Feeling- Good yet not so good
This Day In History- I think it was the first mention of Steph and how Jason was thinking about asking her to prom.

Well I'm in the library right now with Steph helping her with her letter to the arizona republic. PCT was really cool today because mainly we just got to hang out so it was a nice breezer from the normal schedule. About yesterday, I've been contemplating the idea of possibly letting Tawni read my entry. However the one thing that I have learned is that when writing something, anyone can take it the wrong way or misinterpret what I say. Either way I don't know yet so we'll see. It felt good however getting a lot of stuff off my chest because some of it was really starting to build up. I actually didn't get through everything that I wanted to say but the fact that I was getting itchy and it was getting dark made me pull the plug.

Well as far as this weekend goes, this is the tentative plan for the day.

Fri
-go do some halo tournament
-watch the passion

Sat and Sun
???????????

Random Things

- Everyone helped me come up with something to give up lent....the ole "one two punch" if you don't know what I mean maybe you should ask someone.....

- I start interning on Tues, should be interesting......

Journal Setting Saguaro Ranch

Song Of The Day - Blink 182 - Miss You
Currently Feeling- Fine Yet Far From It
This Day In History- I wrote a rough draft for a poem I wrote because I felt like writing one. It may not be my best but out of any I've written in a while, it was probably the most meaningful.

The Person
By James

No longer the person I once was
I look back to the past before her
The person I used to be I no longer recognize
The person I was a few months ago
Feels like an eternity
No heartache, no depression, no second guesses in my mind
I thought with a clear head, not a cloud there to find
But that was then and this is now
My mind has been turned into a labyrinth
One path leads to another, then another back to square one
Every night I sleep confused and wondering
Why am I the person I am now and not my former self?
She has become an unattainable treasure
A dream that can never come to be
But I cannot find the heart to move on
Although I don’t have the strength to take the punishment
Yet with all my problems and questions that stem from her
I would rather still have met her and be miserable
Then return to the old ways not knowing who she was


Well today was an alright day. I felt the incredible urge to go write in my journal because I felt as if I needed to say something that is bothering me. I dunno it's kinda weird right now things are going fine, nothing bad has really happened and everything but at the same time something is not fine. I felt that I really needed to write about it and I also needed to not be disturbed so i went to Saguaro Ranch and I wrote about 3-4 pages and spent about an hour and a half over there. I haven't done that in forever. Anyways I wanted to repeat one of the last lines in the journal slightly edited......I have learned that a best friend isn't defined by how much time you hang out with someone or how much time you spend talking to someone but rather it's measured by how much you care for that person regardless of the situation.

Anyways yeah so I wrote for a while and i should probably get crackin on some homework and what not so I bid you adieu.

Change of Plans

Song Of The Day- Stephanie Mills - Never Knew Love Like This Before
Currently Feeling- Disappointed
This Day In History- Well it seemed that at this point I was really down but the thing about it was that everyone was there for me. Everyone in the group were trying to cheer me up, even Tawni tried to shield me from stuff. ha even Ashby was doing a lot, he gave me a talk about not giving up and then Christie tells me that they are going to come up with a plan to hook us up.

Well yup haven't updated in a while again. hmmm well I'm going to start interning at Boswell Hospital. this weekend has been alright. On Fri it was my moms b-day so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM. I also finally got my tuition waiver so I am more relaxed about college. Marianne came home and we ate at Claim Jumpers which was really good. On Sat I went to the mall with my sisters to get pictures taken. I wore what I wore to homecoming and I think the pictures actually came out good for once. I then talked to Sam and Leah who were both working. Oh yeah I had another dream about Leah, I dunno it's not like a sexual dream on anything like that it was just like a normal day and I just seemed to focus on Leah. Anyways I then ate at In-N-Out then I hung out with Frank and spraypainted some pink flamingos blue. we then went back to the mall so Frank could buy some new sunglasses. So I talked to Sam and Leah yet again. Afterwards we went to Cousins and Frank ate, then we stayed with Steph for more or less an hour. I was supposed to hang out with Tawni on Sat but she didn't seem like she wanted to hang out so I said it was alright. So I hung out at home for a while, then I went over to Millie's house to go play Madden. Damn I almost lost twice but I came back to win. Then Adam and me met up with Steph, Jas, and Frank to watch Eurotrip. heh the movie had so much unneccesary nudity but it was pretty funny. Today I just got home from church, I couldn't go to the crisis center cuz I guess I needed training so I have to get training later.

Random Things....

No homework tonight so more than likely I'll just kick it at home.....

Bit disappointed that I didn't get to hang out with Tawni but at the same time I'm not surprised.....

I was off last nite at Madden, but I still didn't lose

Pink Flamingos By Night, Gone By Day

Song Of The Day- Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Currently Feeling- Good
This Day In History- V-Day was over....need I say more....

So yeah the weekend was more or less pretty good even with V-Day.......So lets recap what went on over the weekend....

Fri
hmm.....well let's see I went to the grocery store after school to buy the ingredients necessary to make my chocolate covered strawberries. I then went home and my mom helped with making them....however they didn't turn out how I wanted so I was kinda upset. I went over to Jason's house but no Jas was there so I ended up talking to his parents for an hour. Yeah Jason's mom was talking to me about college and "life"........I then gave Steph her CSS and waved them all goodbye. I dropped by Cousins for a little bit, then I called up Moses and we went to Arrowhead to go see a movie....nothing good playing so we ended up going to Desert Ridge...heh the people who were there are the biggest trend followers cuz last time i went there everyone was wearing the kinda hollister look but this time everyone is dressed punk or ska..... Anyways we chilled and talked about "life", then we watched Big Fish which was a really good movie....it was slow at the beginning, slow enough to make me almost sleep but in the end it was worth it. Afterwards I hit up Chad's house where everyone was real wasted. Shawn, Frank, Chad, Kaylee, Ryan, and Corey were there. So I stayed there for a while then I took Kaylee home and then I went home soon after....

Sat
I bought some more ingredients and made Tawni's Chocolate covered strawberries. Those came out close to perfection although I couldn't get the swirly white chocolate design but oh well maybe next year. Anyways I gave them to her and hung out for a little then I went home. Anywho everyone was working so I think I stayed home and chilled. Adam came over and we watched TV for a bit.

Sun
Went to church....heh yeah nothing much to note other than I'm going with the RE class next week to the crisis center so whoohoo..... I then ended up hanging with Adam for most of the day. Frank came over and we were playing Madden. Frank and me then hatched a plan to steal Adam's neighbor's flamingo's. We left Adam's house but there was a cop down the street so we went to the store for a bit. We came back and took 20 pink flamingos. We decided to put 10 in Jason's yard and split the other 10. So yeah I hung out at Frank's for a bit and then went home.....

Mon
Went to Tucson to look at the dorm. It was pretty nice but had a few fixing up to do. I'm really interested in doing it because it looks like a really good opportunity but we'll see. Anyways it was cool trip to, talked and what not. We walked around UofA for a bit, then we ate at Johnny Rockets. My sis dropped by after class to say what's up. We then went home. I just passed out and then I picked up my mom and i just got home......

Random Things....

This weekend I really did talk about "life" a lot....I guess I just needed to get crap off my chest....

I should be a happier person now cuz the main thing I was angry about I vented about to everyone, and V-day is over....and a couple of other minor issues won't affect me....

I'm watching Average Joe: Hawaii, and that girl is just so pretty......

Death By Golf Cart

Currently Feeling - Torn
This Day In History - hmmm......well some things really change but others don't.....Tawni was thinking about dropping AP Bio.....also I was also in deep thinking mode about V-day because Tawni was upset due to Paul not planning anything for V-day.....

Well today was quite an interesting day. We had early release today so that was cool. Physics I got a 96 on my test, ummm.....PCT didn't really do much.......Gov't not really do much....afterschool everyone met up at #1 Bro's pizza....that included Jason, Steph, Adam, Frank, Amber, Tawni, and Paul......It was cool, I had 30 wings no sweat...Afterwards we all kinda split into groups of twos. Frank went with Paul, Tawni and Amber, Jason and Steph, and Adam and me......Adam beat me in Madden, I got way too cocky then we went to Jason's house and hung out there for a while. We went to get some oil at Autozone and were making a left and Jason takes it hard and one side of the car gets lifted off the ground....holy shit I thought we were going to die. but it was really sick though......We then did some stuff and then I watched him play Blitz Pro then we played pool for a bit. Adam came back over and we played pool, yeah he killed me, Steph came over too....yeah Steph can't go to Vegas so it's now down to 3 and a probable....If we lose another definate, then the trips off cuz it wouldn't be as much fun in a smaller group. Anyways we did invent a new game.....it was really fun.....Adam and me then went to my house so he could pick up Madden. I watched Friends, then picked up my moms. I did some stuff then called Tawni if she was cool and yeah that's about it.......

Random Things.....

Adam got a new job.....heh he starts tomorrow and works til 11.....

Tomorrow is going to suck for the most part. Jason and Steph are gone for the weekend, Frank is working then getting drunk so I'm alright not going, Adam's working, Tawni's doing her Fasfa.....maybe I could hang out with Paul....heh

Speaking of Paul, I had this dream yeah....it was weird I gave Tawni and Steph the edited version but anyways the gist of what happened was this new preppy kid, and both Paul and me were getting jealous so we combined forces and proceded to give a beating to this kid....the thing is that the new kid was a new kid in a sense but I know who it was......

Shit Valentine's day sucks!!! I'm really tired of hearing about it from everyone and I'm also tired off all the red....it may be cuz I have no valentine but still the day is bullshit in present time so I'll stand by that decision....

speaking of V-day, I actually got into a convo with Jason about it. We talked about it for a little bit but I won't indulge what we were talking about....

Acid Trip

Song Of The Day- Britney Spears - Toxic
Currently Feeling- Upset About Something but otherwise fine
This Day In History- I looked back on the month of February til about Valentine of last year. And one I was generally one sad mofo.......probably cuz of everything that went on last year and what not but it definately wasn't a happy time for me. But I did read a post that reminded me of something that made me happy (at least for a little bit).

Well yeah the past couple of days have been upside down. Sun was definately not a very good day for me. Something got me exceptionally pissed. Then Tawni called for help and that didn't help because 1) I was already pissed and 2) I was trying to think about something that somewhat involved her more or less.....anyways so Mon was a very bad day for me. I had a bad mindset coming into the day and out of everyone I probably took it out the most on Steph and Tawni who were trying to make me feel better so I'm really sorry about getting agitated at you guys. Anyways yeah everyone was trying to see what's up and if I was ok and I just really didn't want to talk about it. So yeah I went home and took a long ass nap. Amber called to check up on her bunny. Apparently she hurt her wrist snowboarding so she asked if I could give her and Jared a ride for a little bit.

Tuesday was a better day, or better concealing I guess you could say. Physics test was pretty easy except for probably the last problem. I probably got a low A or high B I believe. In PCT we did a chapter then went on the field trip. Steph was sick so I drove Tawni, Ben, Kristal, and Daisy. Yeah I don't really like Ben but I don't like him to the extent as Michelle. We went to Thunderbird first and it was pretty basic. We then went to Plaza Del Rio. It was nice talking to Tawni again, not like I haven't talk to her but just stuff that didn't involve politics or homework because lately that is all that we ever seemed to talk about. Anyways I don't know if she picked up on what I was thinking about that involved her but she wants to do something next weekend. I'm excited but I just hope that it's not one of those pity hangout or something to that affect. Anyways at Plaza Del Rio we were giving V-day cards and this one elderly lady gave me a kiss and pinched my cheek. It was cool though cuz she sounded really excited. Anyways we then went to Sunhealth and I talked to Michelle and we got put into PDR with the 1st year students. So yeah were going to partner up, and heh I also heard her rant about Ben and why she really doesn't like him and after hearing it yeah I have to agree. Anyways after that I followed Michelle that led us to a dead end and then Kristal was going to be late so I sped to get her there early. I think Ms. Smith was pacing me though. So we got back to school and in Gov't we watched a movie about how the 2 towers fell. Seeing the images still gives me a shock factor because when you watch it and then you realize that that only happened a little bit ago, it feels surreal. Anyways also I was talking to Tawni about how she doesn't think she'll change in college. Anyways in the year and a little more that we met, she has changed a lot from junior year as well as I have, and everyone else but it's hard to put it into words as I have already failed to do so twice......

Random Things....

Couldn't get a hold of my sis....

heh Tawni and me brought up the whole speeding thing with Paul and me a while ago, and Paul said something along the lines of showoff.....lol I thought that was incredibly funny because it was sooooo true..... lol

I'm in better spirits but I'm still upset I've just decided that I shouldn't let it reflect.

Yeah I've started talking to Michelle, heh she's been in HCT with me as well as my english class and I never realized how cool she is....don't get the wrong idea however, it's not the whole I like her business.......

I've been talking to Steph today and she informed me on maybe why I was acting all weird this one day I was sick....I guess it turns out that in cough drops it contains a very small amount of meds that would produce heroine like side-effects only if you ate so much so quickly......so pretty much I was on a mini acid trip....sweet

Changes

Currently Feeling- Feeling of Acceptance
This Day In History- Too much that I don't wanna write...

Yeah I haven't written in a long time but I haven't felt the need to write nor have I felt the desire. Things for the most part has been quite quiet with nothing major happening. Yesterday i hung out with Adam and Jason for most of the day. We were supposed to go over to Tommy's house to do a Halo tournament but it went awry so we hung out at my house, then we went to Panda Express, then we went to Jason's house and played pool. Steph cut part of her thumb off. I don't know how bad it is since I haven't seen it out of the splint but then again I don't really want to see it. So yeah Steph came over and we just pretty much just hung out. Frank dropped by and we were going to watch Scarface but Steph looked dead so we just chilled. Oh yeah frank got accepted into Michigan and I think in the end that is where he is headed.

Today Frank called and wanted to go to lunch so I picked up Adam and we met up at Wendy's. Frank had to go back to traffic school and Adam and me went and chilled at my house. I then dropped Adam off to go to some wedding then I tried to brainstorm some ideas for Steph and Jas for V-day. I went to Cousins and talked to Steph and Tawni for a little bit, then I went to Amber's house to check up on Bun Bun then I felt compelled to write something.

Random Things....

I also had this dream of one of my really good friends from back in Kachina days who moved to Colorado....Josh Herbison.....it was really weird. He came back and he asked if he could stay at my house for a couple days for a soccer tourney. So yeah and then yeah that was about it.....kinda weird.....

I want to get something off my chest but I don't wanna write it here..