A Plan of Action

Song Of The Day- The Format - Piano Song
Currently Feeling- Uncertain
Memory of The Day - "The Yellow Bat" - haha the OG's should remember this one quite well. In the MDX there was a plastic baseball bat that always gave plenty of entertainment whenever we drove around.......haha

It's odd, Thursdays usually feels like weekends to me. Probably because Thurs just seem so long with lab and then on Fridays i just have lectures. Anyways Weds night was hell for me because of my lab writeup. The thing that hurts the most about it was that i could have been easily done with the lab hours before i actually did. The problem was that I thought too much into it and thus I was up til around 3 finishing up everything that i needed to do. When i finally got done with my stuff i realized the dog was sleeping on my bed and i didn't have the heart to kick him off so i let him stay and sleep on my leg. So alas we slept and my alarm went off at 6:30 and i don't remember it going off because i woke up at 7:30 to the dog licking my face. I decided it was too late to go to Achem so i slept til 9 and then i figured i'd be late to physics anyways so i took my time and hit the showers. When i was doing my hair i heard a door open either in my room or JBot so i figured someone was somewhere they shouldnt be so i opened up the door and it turned out that Jbot also decided to skip Physics and Achem haha..... So i got ready and went to the Chem majors lounge to study for my micro quiz. I took it and it was a breeze. I then quickly analyzed my bacteria and then walked around campus for a while. I bumped into Deeds and Tara and talked to them a bit before their biochem lab. I then broke one of my rules and had panda express and trust me i paid for that one haha. I then went to Achem lab, which was pretty easy but really long because the instrument wasn't running well. After that i made a stop to the gas station and picked up a drink and some candy before lounging around the apt before watching Smallville and Supernatural. Now i'm blogging and listening to some Brandy slow jamz.

The plan for tomorrow is to go to all of my classes. Then I'm gonna either rent a movie or do homework til night. Then i'm gonna go with Me'shell to like a women's empowerment short movie thing at the Loft. Saturday i'm doing more homework/movie until Tara's b-day party.

Random Things....

-Mon im going in for an interview for a followup from my psychology experiment two years ago.....i get paid 20 bucks woohoo!!!!

- I had a really odd dream last nite......odd indeed......

- I think i really need to come up with a plan of action. By that, I'm not quite sure yet but i know that's what i need to do. On all aspects of life.

Recharged......but not Quite Right

Song Of The Day- Jojo - Too Little Too Late
Currently Feeling- Separated
Memory of the Moment - My old dog Randy........he reminds me of Bosworth (Fat Dog).....i miss that dog but he always went crazy when we went out........sigh.....

Well its monday night and had a pretty good weekend. I went back to Phoenix to essentially "recharge" my batteries and to an extent, i accomplished my goal. But unfortunately as the past two days have progressed, something is still amiss. Since school started, I just feel very separated from myself and everyone else. I say this but i don't walk around all day like a zombie...... I just don't feel like myself. I think i've been better at acting more myself the past week but on a more internal level, I still feel isolated. It's odd because I have felt like this once before, but the cause of that was easily identifiable, but I don't think there is one specific cause for all of this. I think that there is no instant fix for this, but i just have to try to power through it and hope for a change.

Alas, tis not my intention to make any of you guys feel bad but rather just for me to get some stuff off my chest. This week there is nothing major so it should be a good week. I think i'm also gonna try to get back into the flow of blogging so hopefully that goes well.

Random Things.....

-The only other thing i wanted to touch base on tonight is friendship......haha ya i know......touchy feely subject....lol. the past couple of weeks i didn't hang out with anyone. I was honestly a hermit. But i think certain people helped me get out of that funk and i do appreciate it. ......hmmmmm was gonna say more but nah i shant....

Sept 11th, 2006

Song Of The Day- Outkast - Idlewild Blues
Currently Feeling- Not Sure

Wow, it's been 5 years since the 9/11 attacks. It doesn't seem that long ago......I remember waking up for school and normally i don't watch tv before going to school but that day i did and i really couldn't quite comprehend what exactly was going on that day. Now 5 years later, our country has really changed in terms of their policies and for some people, how they live their lives has drastically changed. Anyways my intention is not to go political on this, but i just wanted to say something on it. I'm not one for patriotism and although i don't agree with everything that has gone on for the past 5 years since 9/11 I do wish to pay my respects for the men and women who lost their lives either as a victim or trying to help others in the aftermath of the attack.......

now after writing that and kinda remember all of that, everything i wanted to say just seems kind of trivial but alas i'll go on with it anyways......hmmmm actually i'm quite fortunate to come across that statement because it kind of links something i wanted to say. I've just noticed that sometimes some people have problems that end up coming to me, and sometimes ya to some people it can sound really trivial and not so important, but to that person........wow i just had deja vu like i wrote that same thing some time before.....lol so maybe i won't say it again haha.......

So let me get to the lack of updates........just been either kind of busy or haven't been in the mood to write. It hasn't been a good week.....and it's not like "oh i had a bad week because this went wrong and that went wrong".......i actually wish it was that type of bad week because you know that eventually things go your way......no actually it's one of those bad weeks where i can't really single specific events out (although i actually could as well) but rather it's more of a mentality thing for me. By that i mean i'm very confidence driven........when my confidence is high, the moral is up and things for me come easier and i handle situations. However, when my confidence is low, i tend to crumble easily (figuritively speaking...). Unfortunately, my ultimate flaw that i see in myself constantly is my frail confidence. I don't always portray that image to people but certain things can trigger doubt and negativity towards myself. And I'm not just talking in one specific areas, i mean as a whole. If you wanna look academically, I sometimes aim low so that i don't get dissapointed if i get something low. That shows a contradiction to my personality, because although i may set my bar there, i know that i could do better. Or you could look at academics in another light, i've never taken failure well, so when faced with situations i'm not sure i can face, i decide to not face it. This mentality does not stop merely at the academic level but also trickles down to every facet of my personality. This mentality issue sort of hit a peak during the middle of this week although i don't know what (actually i have an idea of what may have done it). As a result I've been sortof playing the role of a hermit (also because i was feeling like crap last week too literally) choosing to remain bymyself to sort myself out. This has been one of a couple things that have bugged me lately, the others i don't really care to discuss. But ya that was my rant and that was all i had planned to talk about tonite because otherwise nothing really noteworthy has happened. So i guess the question is now, what do I do to alleviate this problem.......well i really only have two choices on the matter....i can either A) try to either force-feed myself some confidence to see if i can change the mentality instead of letting it fester up or B) try to remove the source of doubt...........In this case i think i go A because to try to go B would be ridiculously hard because although i said i may have an idea of what caused the big spike in negativity in myself, I think it only brought the negativity of what was going on in my head to the forefront. In other words it may have only been a catalyst of something bigger.

Random Things.....
- Well since my blog is now 4 years old (or is it 5?), i think i may try to incorporate something new into the heading of my blog........as of now i have song of the day, currently feeling, and then i usually alternate picture of the day with this day in history......well i thought about it and i may start putting up memory of the day. This isn't date related but just something that day that may have remembered. Like a good one was a couple days ago when i played madden, i actually had two........When i used to play madden '92 with my cousins in CA and i remember there was something called "jet blitz" which guaranteed a blocked kick everytime. The other memory would be string along adam when he first started playing madden....i would always beat him soundly but i would leave enough of a gap to keep him interested in getting better.....lol i tried something similar with paul but i think he just gave up plus i don't think sports games is his thing.