Depressed with a Depressor

Currently Feeling- Depressed
This Day In History- Yesterday was Tawni's b-day and last year I went up to NAU for Tawni's graduation at her heads start college thing....

Well once again I didn't blog for a couple days and in that time my recollection of the past events are shady. Also due to the drinking in the past couple days. However with that I say that although I don't remember what I say first hand when I'm drunk I said things that I shouldn't have said for the better of everyone else. Well 2 days ago I had about 5 shots of Bacardi 151 and that did me in. Well I guess I said things to people that I normally prevent myself from saying. Like I talked about how I respect Paul and all that stuff. And you know I'm fine with that because I do and I do hope to you know have a somewhat normal friendship with Paul. However that isn't what I'm upset about, it's what I said to Tawni. I said things that I keep to myself because I didn't want those things to be out in the open. Anyways I didn't find out that I said those things til last night, and I was a little upset at myself for saying that because saying those things are pointless. And you know up until a couple days ago I was fine. Yeah I was upset about the whole Ashley thing but I could have dealt with it if it was just that. But now I have this other thing on my mind which forced me to drink. Now I've never tried to drink away my problems until last night but it made things incredibilly worse for me. When I slept last night it was like all these thoughts were coming at me at once, except with alcohol it's all negative. So today I've just been moping around the house.

So Much Stuff In So Little Time

Song Of The Day- Juvenile - Slow Motion
Currently Feeling- In A Dilemma
This Day In History- I had a lot to think about with Plan R, burnt a bunch of cd's including slow jamz 16, it was my dad's b-day on July 2nd, had a heart to heart with Steph at the library, had a massive heart to heart with Jase, wrote in the "notebook", Volvo got tinted, got an eerie fortune cookie that said "joy will come with the return of a good friend"...heh creepy although my sis interpreted it as Ian at first.

Well man this past week has been pretty damn busy. With the exception of the past couple days I haven't been home til like 3 or 4. Hmmm there is just so much that has gone on and so much that I've been thinking about. I don't know where to start. I've been having a dilemma (which actually doesn't directly involve me although in an awkward way does involve me). It is really weird and has been getting more complicated each day. I dunno...it's weird.....anyways my days have been pretty much hanging out with Adam, Chad, Tawni, Ryan, Mike, Steph..... I've hung out at Vicky's aunts house for a little kickback. I hung out with Mike as we talked about his upcoming shirt company as well as just life. I've hung out with Tawni a lot although I did get angry at her once (too long a story). I've hung out with Steph at her house...hell you can even count me hanging out with Paul (and Steph) at Barnes and Nobles (ironic on how it came to be). Anyways I've hung out and chilled, gone bowling, went to take Tawni to the dentist, watched "IT", ate lunch, went swimming....etc.....

I also got to neglect writing about Jase who left on the 30th of June......Man I miss him, a group seems empty without him (although we did temporarily replace him for his brother)....I dunno just doesn't seem the same without ya buddy....I know Steph misses you 100x more than I do but that's to be expected....I'm writing a letter (joint letter) with everyone else so you'll hear from us soon.

Then there is Ashley where I went to Quizzno's today. I think I really like her, man I really wish she didn't have to go to San Diego on Sat. She wanted to go to my house on Mon for Tawni's B-day party...but I did offer to drive her myself....I dunno I just really enjoy talking to her and I really wanted to hang out with her before I left but she's gone Sat and I'm gone Weds but I'll try to hang out with her when I get back. I dunno I can be myself around her and I can act myself around her without doublechecking what I say. I really wish I saw her working earlier so I could have had more time......................................................damn......

as I mentioned earlier I'm throwing Tawni's b-day party...it'll either be at a hotel or my other house.....it's pretty cool cuz i've stayed there a couple times and it's pretty big. I go there to look at the stars and think. I like the place......

I'll continue later cuz I have to do something.