Depressed with a Depressor

Currently Feeling- Depressed
This Day In History- Yesterday was Tawni's b-day and last year I went up to NAU for Tawni's graduation at her heads start college thing....

Well once again I didn't blog for a couple days and in that time my recollection of the past events are shady. Also due to the drinking in the past couple days. However with that I say that although I don't remember what I say first hand when I'm drunk I said things that I shouldn't have said for the better of everyone else. Well 2 days ago I had about 5 shots of Bacardi 151 and that did me in. Well I guess I said things to people that I normally prevent myself from saying. Like I talked about how I respect Paul and all that stuff. And you know I'm fine with that because I do and I do hope to you know have a somewhat normal friendship with Paul. However that isn't what I'm upset about, it's what I said to Tawni. I said things that I keep to myself because I didn't want those things to be out in the open. Anyways I didn't find out that I said those things til last night, and I was a little upset at myself for saying that because saying those things are pointless. And you know up until a couple days ago I was fine. Yeah I was upset about the whole Ashley thing but I could have dealt with it if it was just that. But now I have this other thing on my mind which forced me to drink. Now I've never tried to drink away my problems until last night but it made things incredibilly worse for me. When I slept last night it was like all these thoughts were coming at me at once, except with alcohol it's all negative. So today I've just been moping around the house.