Still Failing In My Attempt

Song Of The Day - Daniel Beddingfield - If Your Not The One
Currently Feeling - Just Bad

Well I had somewhat of a progress today and last nite. Last nite nothing to special, I helped Tawni with her bio over the fone for a little, then I talked to Adam about my situation (sort of), then i went to Hollywood and rented 2 Weeks Notice. Don't know when I'm gonna watch it, probably Weds or thurs......

Last nite I got a dream, a weird dream but a dream that I think both my sub-c and my normal thinking agree on and put down one of my 3 problems. It was a weird dream I kept switching where I was. One was back on Sat at Emily's. I remember Mike talking about how he always wanted to kick Scott's ass. Then I flashed forward to Tawni's house. I saw Scott (well I've never really seen him but I have my own image of him). Anyways I guess he hit her or said something but I just unleash on him. Then afterwards I apologized to Tawni for how I've been distant and not all there. Anywho I woke up pretty soon after feeling better about that aspect of myself. So anyways I think that I've come up to the conclusion that Tawni is my friend above all else and I'll be there, and have come up to the acceptance that that's all it'll be. So i've gotten one problem solved and that left two more, Confidence and Paul.

Well hmmm.....1st hour today we have Lovett sub for us today. It was just like global humanities all over again. I tried to regain some of my confidence but I failed miserably. I realized that I like Katie more than I thought I did so her rejection hit me harder than I thought once everything started settling down. Plus I don't really know whether she decided not to go cuz of fam issues or whether she just didn't want to go.....

2nd hour I should have ditched but didn't

3rd was bio, I had a pretty strong sense that Tawni wasn't all there today.... I helped her set up a schedule for the week since she's been feeling the pressure of school. Today I'm helping her with Bio, tomorrow math, then more math thurs.....

Lunch I stayed in and split my time between Adam and Frank, and Jason and Steph.....Steph's becoming a pretty good friend, I haven't completely opened up to her, but I'm pretty sure once I get into a "talk" with her, I can open up to her like the rest of my good friends....the same goes for Emily....there both really cool (reminder to myself....go visit Emily on Weds)......

5th period was actually pretty interesting, just talking pretty much......

Afterschool my plan is haircut, run some errands for my moms, then go to Cousins and help Tawni with bio

Random Things......

I don't know why I didn't notice it earlier with Katie, now I don't know how to reestablish my confidence level which is shot like no other......

I also failed miserably when it came to Paul. Lately when I've seen Paul around, a strange feeling of anger and awkwardness falls over me even though technically he hasn't done anything, well I thought today would be different but nope, during bio towards the end, that same feeling came over me again so I stood by the door and talked to Danielle.