Song Of The Day - Brandy - When You Touch Me
Currently Feeling - Better
An alright day....I'm gonna have to rant alot about something but I'll write about my day first. I 4got to mention yesterday about the home invasion that happened by the nursing home yesterday. Well my dad was around the area so they interviewed him. We didn't get a chance to see it but this morning Leah goes up to me and tells me about it. I finally arrived on time at my clinical. It was alright, didn't do that much and had some downtime which I used to deep think which will explain why I need to write something below. I took my math test and did alright. Afterschool I dropped off Frank then went home to chill and change for a little bit. I went to pick up Barbie but on my way home I saw Steven D. with some girl. I guess it is his girlfriend cuz he asked me if I could give her a ride home. I felt bad for her so I did. She was a pretty nice girl, a senior at Cactus. I've never seen her but I guess she's seen me. On the way out I saw this lady fall out of her truck and land on her neck. I would have gone out to help but other people arrived so instead of making a bigger crowd I just went on my way. I filled up gas and played with Capt. Mal Mal for a little bit. I don't have homework but I do have to study for my test in HCT tomorrow.
Ok here's what I need to get off my chest......
I've been always able to tell if there is any ever feeling between two people. I've never misguessed on one except when it comes to me. I guess it's just that when it actually happens to u, u lose ur sight and are blinded to see what's really going on. Anyways I think I've been a little blinded at the fact that I'm a complete underdog. I mean he spends more time with her, hangs out with her friends, and basically has buried any chances that I have. There's always a time to throw in the towel but my heart or (left brain) has always prevented me from doing so until now. It's just too hard at the position that I'm in that it's starting to eat at me, not knowing what to do. From my Oct 2nd post, I don't know if I had asked if it would have changed anything but I guess it's just too late. I mean fate pretty much fukkin gift wrapped me the opportunity but I was stupid and let it go to waste so it was my fault. I guess that's the biggest advantage he has over me, he's told her how he's feel while I always took a seat on the bench waiting for things to unfold naturally. I've tried but i've held back, subconciously I have, I mean she did have a point when she asked me why do I edit out words that I don't want her to see with wingdings instead of just deleting it, and the reason for that is deep down I'm trying to tell her but I know that the words won't come out so I leave hints even if I don't mean to. It's just one half of my brain acting on it's hunch without consulting the other half. On lying to myself, yes I've done that a couple times already. I mean no matter what I say I can't just get over it, from a lesson from my couz it's just not that simple. It's just that she different from anyone else, in the past I've asked girls out based on looks, personality, or something to that effect but she came into the school year as the person I would least think about even considering. She dated my good friend, she had a bad rep based on that relationship and being that he used to be my best friend that would affect my decision even more than others. But after a few days she was able to make me completely change my opinion about her and she was able to make me open up to her. I can be myself around her and not worry about being cool in front of her. The other thing I lied about is that I don't want her to end up with him. Yeah I can't honestly say that I would be happy if she went out with him. Damn I did write alot about her didn't I.....Oh yeah I did really fukk up on one thing, my teddy bear plan...I just realized that since I told her, if I gave her a teddy bear, whether or not as a friend or not, she would find out because I told her that I would give the girl I liked a teddy bear. It was a slip up on my part. I don't think I can go through with it because of my error but since it's only Dec 3, it's too early to tell. Oh yeah I last thing I promise, I really don't have a clue about whether she knows or not, really at times I think she knows but other times it seems that she's clueless about it. I'm not positve but my guess is that she thinks it's her but doesn't know for sure. It feels real good getting this off my chest, I never knew I good having a blog would be. It feels good to get ur feelings out and it's easier than writing it in a book. On Tawni, I just don't know and I haven't really been able to think straight this whole time.
Currently Feeling - Better
An alright day....I'm gonna have to rant alot about something but I'll write about my day first. I 4got to mention yesterday about the home invasion that happened by the nursing home yesterday. Well my dad was around the area so they interviewed him. We didn't get a chance to see it but this morning Leah goes up to me and tells me about it. I finally arrived on time at my clinical. It was alright, didn't do that much and had some downtime which I used to deep think which will explain why I need to write something below. I took my math test and did alright. Afterschool I dropped off Frank then went home to chill and change for a little bit. I went to pick up Barbie but on my way home I saw Steven D. with some girl. I guess it is his girlfriend cuz he asked me if I could give her a ride home. I felt bad for her so I did. She was a pretty nice girl, a senior at Cactus. I've never seen her but I guess she's seen me. On the way out I saw this lady fall out of her truck and land on her neck. I would have gone out to help but other people arrived so instead of making a bigger crowd I just went on my way. I filled up gas and played with Capt. Mal Mal for a little bit. I don't have homework but I do have to study for my test in HCT tomorrow.
Ok here's what I need to get off my chest......
I've been always able to tell if there is any ever feeling between two people. I've never misguessed on one except when it comes to me. I guess it's just that when it actually happens to u, u lose ur sight and are blinded to see what's really going on. Anyways I think I've been a little blinded at the fact that I'm a complete underdog. I mean he spends more time with her, hangs out with her friends, and basically has buried any chances that I have. There's always a time to throw in the towel but my heart or (left brain) has always prevented me from doing so until now. It's just too hard at the position that I'm in that it's starting to eat at me, not knowing what to do. From my Oct 2nd post, I don't know if I had asked if it would have changed anything but I guess it's just too late. I mean fate pretty much fukkin gift wrapped me the opportunity but I was stupid and let it go to waste so it was my fault. I guess that's the biggest advantage he has over me, he's told her how he's feel while I always took a seat on the bench waiting for things to unfold naturally. I've tried but i've held back, subconciously I have, I mean she did have a point when she asked me why do I edit out words that I don't want her to see with wingdings instead of just deleting it, and the reason for that is deep down I'm trying to tell her but I know that the words won't come out so I leave hints even if I don't mean to. It's just one half of my brain acting on it's hunch without consulting the other half. On lying to myself, yes I've done that a couple times already. I mean no matter what I say I can't just get over it, from a lesson from my couz it's just not that simple. It's just that she different from anyone else, in the past I've asked girls out based on looks, personality, or something to that effect but she came into the school year as the person I would least think about even considering. She dated my good friend, she had a bad rep based on that relationship and being that he used to be my best friend that would affect my decision even more than others. But after a few days she was able to make me completely change my opinion about her and she was able to make me open up to her. I can be myself around her and not worry about being cool in front of her. The other thing I lied about is that I don't want her to end up with him. Yeah I can't honestly say that I would be happy if she went out with him. Damn I did write alot about her didn't I.....Oh yeah I did really fukk up on one thing, my teddy bear plan...I just realized that since I told her, if I gave her a teddy bear, whether or not as a friend or not, she would find out because I told her that I would give the girl I liked a teddy bear. It was a slip up on my part. I don't think I can go through with it because of my error but since it's only Dec 3, it's too early to tell. Oh yeah I last thing I promise, I really don't have a clue about whether she knows or not, really at times I think she knows but other times it seems that she's clueless about it. I'm not positve but my guess is that she thinks it's her but doesn't know for sure. It feels real good getting this off my chest, I never knew I good having a blog would be. It feels good to get ur feelings out and it's easier than writing it in a book. On Tawni, I just don't know and I haven't really been able to think straight this whole time.
posted by James at
12/03/2002 06:23:00 PM
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