New Currently Feeling - Shitty but enlightened
Why is everything so blurred, why can't I do anything? It like everytime I think I know what to do, I get proven wrong. There is nothing in the white or black, but only in the grey. It really makes no sense to me. What the hell am I missing? Why haven't I found it? Maybe Rich was right, this is as pitiful as I have become. I mean really, here I am writing about this and that, but that's all that it is, writing. Writing and no action. That's really all it comes down to, action or no action. My course of action was no action and this is where it led me. I've come with two conclusions as I finish this paragraph that I've discovered bout myself. One, I'm too nice for my own good, i have too much concern for other people but not enough concern for myself. I've hesitated because my concious has gotten in the way, making me re-think everything. And two, being a romantic may be my biggest strength as a person yet at the same time it's my achilles heel. It's my weakness, yet it's my strength. It can send my feelings to cloud 9 or it can lower them down to the gutters. So to put everything all in perspective, I know nothing except for the fact that it eats me up inside holding it back. No matter how I sugar-coat it, the end result will always remain the same. The only person who knows when the time is right is me, not Rich, not Jeff, not Jason, or Adam, Alicia or Christie nope, and who knows it could come to be tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, maybe even a year from now if that's possible but I'll decide when that time comes and I'll know cuz I'll feel it and sense it. That's all I have to go by, just follow my instint and no longer second guess anything. and you know what maybe that's what I've been missing, my own judgement on what to do concerning myself. I feel enlightened right now that I figured it out at the end of this paragraph, it seems all to simple yet I'm %100 percent sure it's right. I still believe in fate and destiny but I forgot what I always thought to myself concerning it "fate will only take you so far, the rest of it you will have to reach out and grab".......:)
Why is everything so blurred, why can't I do anything? It like everytime I think I know what to do, I get proven wrong. There is nothing in the white or black, but only in the grey. It really makes no sense to me. What the hell am I missing? Why haven't I found it? Maybe Rich was right, this is as pitiful as I have become. I mean really, here I am writing about this and that, but that's all that it is, writing. Writing and no action. That's really all it comes down to, action or no action. My course of action was no action and this is where it led me. I've come with two conclusions as I finish this paragraph that I've discovered bout myself. One, I'm too nice for my own good, i have too much concern for other people but not enough concern for myself. I've hesitated because my concious has gotten in the way, making me re-think everything. And two, being a romantic may be my biggest strength as a person yet at the same time it's my achilles heel. It's my weakness, yet it's my strength. It can send my feelings to cloud 9 or it can lower them down to the gutters. So to put everything all in perspective, I know nothing except for the fact that it eats me up inside holding it back. No matter how I sugar-coat it, the end result will always remain the same. The only person who knows when the time is right is me, not Rich, not Jeff, not Jason, or Adam, Alicia or Christie nope, and who knows it could come to be tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, maybe even a year from now if that's possible but I'll decide when that time comes and I'll know cuz I'll feel it and sense it. That's all I have to go by, just follow my instint and no longer second guess anything. and you know what maybe that's what I've been missing, my own judgement on what to do concerning myself. I feel enlightened right now that I figured it out at the end of this paragraph, it seems all to simple yet I'm %100 percent sure it's right. I still believe in fate and destiny but I forgot what I always thought to myself concerning it "fate will only take you so far, the rest of it you will have to reach out and grab".......:)
posted by James at
1/16/2003 11:02:00 PM
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