Song Of The Day - The Used - On My Own
Currently Feeling - Confused (on a romantic aspect of my life), Pissed (On the car thing), Happy (On the School side)

Hmm....well right now I'm doing my Science study guide and I've hit a mental block becuz of everything I'm currently feeling. So I thought writing in the blog will get me back on track. So here goes nothing......

Well I guess still the big issue going on right now, is the car. Let's first off is peeps are still talking bout it which is starting to get irritating. I think by the end of the week, it'll completely blow over. When I go home, my dad tells me that Acura is no longer paying for it, but rather the insurance, and we have to pay the deductible which is $500. My parents are a little pissed over that and there trying to get Acura to pay for it. I know my momz believes me but I dunno if my dad believes me, that hurts it really does that my dad may not believe me when I say that I didn't hit the gas hard. Anyways on the thing with the MDX, we may either keep it after all the fixes are made, get an Acura RL (we would have to put down an additional $3000 down), or get a new MDX. I really hate talking bout it so i'll stop here on that subject.

Now on to #2, this is on my romantic situation......heh what's new yeah?..... This is a good way of getting things out of my head for me. (If You don't like to read the romantic part of my blog you can skip this paragraph)

(Begin Romantic rant)
So here it is...... Well first the song of the day seems fitting. "On My Own" is what I am right. My friends try to help by bad mouthing Paul, tell me that they won't last, etc. There intentions are good and I appreciate their help but it doesn't seem to help. Everyone that's tried to help out (Alicia, Christie, Tiano, etc) just can't and it does suck. I just want that sign that'll tell me what to do. I missed the first one (back in the beginning when I had my chance) and I won't fuck up the 2nd one, whether the sign tells me to go for it or to move on. It's a decision that I can't do one my own, my heart wants me to , but my rational is that I don't see them breaking up any time soon so am I stupid doing nothing and waiting right now. So everything always circles back to where I'm at, nowhere. I wouldn't want even try to break them up cuz that's not me and plus I did that once (Curtis and Heather) and I felt extremely bad. I just have too much of a conscious (damn conscious). On finding someone else, yeah it hasn't happened now, it probably wouldn't for a while. My heart doesn't work like that. From past patterns, it's usually a 1st glance I can tell that I like someone, at that point my heart pays no attention to anyone else, then either I do something or I just end up feeling different. Well you can throw out that pattern with Tawni. 1st she didn't get my heart with her looks (though she's cute) but rather her personality. She got by my shyness in like a week or two which is amazing considering that's the first time ever in my life someone has ever done that. Then she was able to get me past the whole "don't go for someone who ur friend has gone out with". Like all summer I heard Ian talk shit bout her and I took it in and believed it, but just like that she changed my opinion about her (If you wanna get an idea read my blog from the beginning of school to a few weeks later). So after almost 4 months later (Oct-Jan) I still feel the same for her boggles my head. Some of the stupid stuff that I've done (go 130 mph off the offramp just to not be shown up by Paul) cracks me up. It amazes me on why Ian broke up with her. It amazes me how I've written so much about her already in my blog and yet manage to write this big paragraph all about her. Sure some of it may be repetitive, but this is all in my head and so I feel if I get it out in written form I'll feel better. Yeah if someone were to just stumble upon my blog and just read this post then they may say that I'm some sort of stalker-weirdo and that I don't know anything about love (yeah I'll use love cuz I generally care bout her) and they would tell me that it's infatuation but i know it's not infatuation (i've been thru infatuation and this feels nothing like that). Let me clarify when I say love I not saying I love her, I wanna be with her forever cuz I don't wanna throw around the word like that if I don't mean it but I use the word love as in I care about her. So I'll end this with a question, am I stupid, crazy, right in feeling this way?????????
(End Romantic rant)

Well finally school, it's going real well right now, but I've had to turn it up a notch cuz of all the recent disturbances with the MDX. If I can get that out of my thinking then I think I can get a good grasp on school.

Random Things........

I may go see Finch with Jason and Frank if Jason chooses to come. It's starting to look doubtful cuz it's a week late and going isn't on my concern list right now.

Well my plans for the year is, Robotics once every 3 weeks just for name and college sake. May join French club if Jason joins (I hate joining club where you don't know anyone).

I think after this, my mental block will dissapear and I can get back to my science study guide.....

For those who want an estimate on how long this post took me, well about an hr and a half.....

I need to clarify one other thing, I don't know if it ever sounded like this, but someone asked if Tawni was a bitch.....well she probably the furthest from it, I dont' want someone to misinterpret that.