Now Currently Feeling - Like Shit

Well today has sucked real bad and the days still have plenty of hours left in it. I shaved off my gotee and moostash. Most of the day I've driven my sister around which I had no problem. I made 3 r&b/rap cds. I didn't really feel like hanging out with peeps today so I remained in most of the day. That could have been a big mistake because when I don't do things, I think, and when I think it eats at me. And since I haven't talked to her in a little bit it's have a worse affect on me. I would call her but I don't want to call with Paul there. I can't just keep busy 24-7 and everytime I begin to think about it the worse I get. I'm starting to think it's just gonna rot at me til there's nothing left in me. I dunno everything is missing in me, it's Christmas season and school's out but it's just not reaching me. I thought that if I just didnt think about it, it would make everything better but it just magnify's everything. The only person who can really help me can't because I can't tell her. It would be fair to her if I told her. I've been defeated and now I'm broken.........