Relapse

Song of the Day – Webbie – INDEPENDENT

Currently Feeling – Sad    

 

Well I'm bad…..I don't know how long I can keep it up but nonetheless, whoever reads it should enjoy it. I know it's sad to see how much I used to write and how much I write now but I guess that's the consequence of life. Nothing ever really stays the same for long. And I know it goes against what I've always said but people definitely change including myself. I guess its part of growing up, but it's still strange for me to look back and see the person someone used to be and the person they are now. I'm not talking about anyone in general but rather it's just a general observation. As you grow up you realize that the some of the people you considered close with, now have become almost strangers. It's just priorities; I remember in high school, it seemed nothing else really mattered but your social life with your friends. Now however, you have to worry about homework, studying (ya I'm going to list them separately), bills, things that need to be done around the house, etc……….it all leaves little time to much else. I guess I can even use myself as an example. Mondays-Thursdays I'm typically in class from 8/9-9 at night. Now I have a couple of breaks sprinkled in here or there but for the most part I'll stay on campus because I have things to do on campus. So I come home at 9ish, and typically I need to have a little downtime for myself to unwind and hang out with Tonka. Then more than likely I'll have a lab report or two to write so there goes more time. Anyways the point I'm trying to make is typically there isn't much time during the weekday to socialize outside of school. So where does that lead me, well since I'm in lab majority of the day, I form strong bonds with those I lab with or who are in the chemistry department. Then I talk to those who try to contact me on a semi-typical basis that primarily includes Adam, Jase, and Jason the Jew. So where exactly does that leave everyone else? Well there are those who I still manage to keep in contact with through association of other friends and there are friends who I try to hang out with on the weekends if I don't' see them through the week. Unfortunately there are some who I don't keep in contact with and as a result, they slowly fade away from sight. A side not, but rather important one is there are exceptions to this rule. I remember last semester when I hung out with Kim a lot, we would hang out pretty much every night til 3AM haha….ya she was top priority and school was second, that's why I would do my homework after she left and didn't hang out with anyone last semester lol!

 

While we're on the subject of Kim……I know that I left pretty much everyone out of the loop and for the most part that isn't going to change. But I will say that although I don't view her as "the one that got away", I do miss her, some days more than others. Especially today for some reason, I dunno there was no real trigger; it's just a relapse or something. Anywho I've tried to hang out with her a couple times but was both busy people and unless it's planned out in advance, it typically won't happen. But I would hope for in the future being able to hang out with her on a more consistent basis.

 

The last "friend" topic I want to bring up is the topic of "using someone". It's a huge pet peeve of mine if I feel like someone is "using me" or if I feel like someone may get the impression that I'm "using them". I'm always very conscious about portraying the image that I'm using someone, it's something I despise. It's actually prolly a bad thing because I'm really hesitant to ask for a favor from someone unless it's someone I feel really comfortable with. I would actually think that it's a good barometer of how much of a friend I consider you. On the flip side, I also hate it when I feel like someone is using me. Initially I'm a very hospitable person I think and I don't mind if someone asks me to do something for them. However the problem for me lies when I only hear from them when they need something. Or they will call to see how I'm doing then the next day asks for the favor. It really bugs me and questions the friendship. For instance there is someone who consistently calls when they need something from me and that's pretty much the only time I hear from them. I've even given them the benefit of the doubt and have made an effort to try and hang out with them with little luck. And for me, I've reach a point where if it continues I'm just going to cut ties with them which sucks because I enjoy hanging out with the person.

 

So before I close out, I guess I should update on how I'm doing…….tired……like I wrote earlier my days are long and I have little time to myself on the weekdays. I'll write more about it later in addition to a few things I've left out including my love life (or lack there of) and a topic that Jase and Adam think they know so much about…..haha